Caring for those who no longer care to live

IBy T has been more than seven years now, yet I still remember clearly the utter shock I felt upon learning that my friend Gen. Angelo “Angie” Reyes, while he stood before his mother’s grave at Loyola Memorial Park in Marikina, had put a bullet through his heart and ended a colorful career in the service of God and country.

Angie and I were quite close as we both served in the Arroyo Cabinet, and we both were part of the so-called Three Tenors (together with former MMDA chairman Bayani Fernando) performing in fund-raising concerts usually at the Manila Hotel. Thus, the shocking news of his tragic end really struck me with grief.

Perhaps no one will ever know what exactly was lurking in Angie’s mind during his final moments, or what really drove him to commit suicide. But I believe the underlying reason has something to do with “Maslow’s hierarchy of needs” where a person, after tackling basic necessities like food and other physiological essentials, strives most for honor and dignity, much more than love and other human needs to make life worth living.

Knowing Angie and from what I’ve heard from others who have been close to him, it was dignity and honor that he valued most for himself and his family. Some even explained that precisely because of honor, he shot himself in the heart instead of the head. Others, like former lawmaker Homobono Adaza who wrote extensively about my friend in a 2015 op-ed series, said that Angie was a true patriot and his suicide was that of an honorable man and “is consistent with the Bushido code as a samurai.”

Many indeed attest that a morally excellent reputation was what Angie had lived for, particularly when he was AFP chief of staff. And when his reputation was being tarnished in a Senate investigation, it seemed nothing else mattered to him – not even his own life.

Death by suicide has been happening for centuries, even during the time of Christ when the apostle who betrayed our Lord took his own life. And suicide can happen to anyone, even to the very famous – from the prominent novelist Ernest Hemingway who died from a shotgun wound to the head in 1961, to celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain and iconic fashion designer Kate Spade who were found dead recently.

The World Health Organization said that every year more than 800,000 people worldwide commit suicide which is listed as the second highest cause of death among those between the ages of 15 and 29. The WHO report added that “more than three quarters of suicides take place in developing countries.”

The current rate of suicides in the Philippines is lower in comparison with other countries, but the suicide incidents have risen steadily from 1992 to 2012. For 2012 alone, as many as seven Filipinos a day committed suicide.

And every time a suicide occurs, a question begging for answers is: Why?

There are numerous factors or combinations of factors that build up and eventually drive people to take their own lives. The WHO said that “someone who has experienced war, a natural disaster, violence or sexual abuse has a higher likelihood of committing suicide.” The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention names other causes such as “relationship problems, a recent crisis or a looming one, substance abuse, a severe physical illness, financial or work-related problems, a criminal or legal concern, and the loss of a loved one.”

In the latest episode of my DZMM teleradyo program Sagot Ko ‘Yan (8 to 9 a.m. Sundays), our guest was a noted psychiatrist, Dr. Robert Buenaventura, who also cited the aforementioned reasons as he explained that suicide is usually an impulsive behavior and not necessarily linked to mental illness.

But it cannot be denied that depression, defined by WHO as a “common mental disorder that interferes with one’s daily life, and is associated with sadness, loss of interest, feelings of guilt, low self-worth, disturbed sleep patterns, tiredness, and loss of concentration and appetite,” may trigger suicide.

“Being isolated is a risk factor,” Dr. Buenaventura said as he stressed that people who show signs of suicidal tendencies ought to be given the attention needed for them to overcome such tendencies as they get “overwhelmed by the psycho-social stress” engulfing them.

He said people seemingly on the verge of suicide must seek professional help, like counseling by psychologists, and must also be assured that there is always someone to help them get over rough times.

Dr. Buenaventura also warned against copycat suicides which pose greater risks especially to young adults who tend to emulate their idols. He cited the recent suicide of Korean pop star Kim Jong-hyun, the 27-year-old lead singer of K-pop boy band SHINee. A suicide note was made public describing his battle with depression despite his fame and success. “I was broken from the inside. The depression slowly chipped me away, finally devouring me,” according to a translation of the note written in Korean.

In our teleradyo discussion, we also touched on the reality that a lot of people don’t tend to take depression and suicidal tendencies seriously, and many people nearing breaking point do not seek help because of the stigma. Oftentimes, people who lost loved ones to suicide are in denial or are ashamed mainly due to connotations of “failure in the family” and other similar reasons.

Ultimately, awareness of the problem and the underlying factors should prod people to give special attention and show they really care for those who are broken and no longer care about life. E-mail: finding.lina@yahoo.com