On being single and the journey to finding true love

TOTALLY not the norm of what I typically write about, and quite admittedly, outside my personal comfort zone, that I have actually written, edited, and re-written parts of this four times or more, to make sure I get my point across. But sometimes, it’s good to venture out, and perhaps it serves me right for asking people to let me know what they want to read about in my column through my Instagram stories in the wee hours of the morning. I told myself that the first response I would get was what I would write about this week (but I did get a lot of other great suggestions I have archived for the future), so this is me adhering to the request (albeit a bit anxious) of an avid follower and loyal reader.

You see, I’ve never been the type to write about (romantic) love even if I myself have been in a long-term relationship for seven years now simply because I don’t only find the topic to be extremely personal (and a case to case to each is their own basis); I feel like a total amateur on the subject because I really do believe it is something that not only evolves every day, but that you learn from every step of the way. Let me start off by saying that the thoughts I choose to share right now are simply curated learnings of mine through the years. And though they might not be exactly what you want to hear, they are wholeheartedly honest (albeit perhaps a bit cynical) both from my personal experiences and as a spectator of the love lives of some of my nearest and dearest.

First and foremost, I think that the misconception among teenagers and those in their early twenties who see being single as dooms day needs to be debunked. Easier said than done, but soon, you will realize that everyone has his/her time. While there is not one right (or wrong) reason to fall in love (which is why love is and can be so complex, controversial, frustrating, and confusing), never rush into a relationship just for the sake of being in one. Do not let pictures of happy couples on social media make you jealous, or deceive you into thinking everything about it is rosy, colorful, and all smiles. Play the field, and do not commit right away. You might be surprised to find out that who you may once have thought to be your dream guy might in fact turn out to be your biggest nightmare. Have your standards. Decipher between the negotiables and non-negotiables from the very onset. Stick to them, and do add some more along the way. When you feel like deleting, think twice. Do not ever rationalize for the sake of blinding yourself to what may sometimes appear to be an ugly truth.

Very seldom will the first guy you ever laid your eyes upon and fell in love with be the one. You’re lucky, if that happened to you. More often than not, you will fall in love many times over, have your heart broken a million times, go through a phase of finding band-aid cures through rebounds, soul-searching, traveling and going out every chance you get, but in the end, you must always remember to think hard about what it is that worked for you, and what it is that does not. What about your last relationship brought out the best in you? Seek and prioritize that. What turned you into an unrecognizable monster? Avoid that by all means. Never lose sight of your values – of the morals you were raised with, and most importantly, of yourself, and the principles you believe in wholeheartedly. Never underestimate the significance that cultural differences and upbringing can play in a relationship – it is not being prejudice or racist, it is facing fact. It can in fact make or break so many things in the long run.

As a mere spectator, I’ve also come to realize that people end up settling down for many different reasons – in other words, much to the dismay of Hollywood, and its blockbuster romantic comedies, it is sadly, not always for love. While love will always win somehow, in this case, when reality and different circumstances kick in, it sadly does not always prevail, and that does not give us the right to judge others either for their reasons. That, however, does not mean to say that you will never meet or have the chance to be with your one true love at some point. As much as we women (and men too, I suppose) have a bit (or slightly more) of hopeless romantics in our DNA, life, does not always end up in rainbows and butterflies in the same way that movies depict it to. In as much as I do believe we all have that one true love (aka love of our lives), that person need not always be a romantic partner. But if we were to go that route (and case in point is most often it is), you cannot ever discount the fact that while you may find your true love somewhere along the way, for whatever reason, he/she may not be the one you end up with in the end. You may find that while you both truly love each other – in an irreplaceable and most unique way at that – you may not perhaps be the best match for each other, quite simply because you want different things in life, are at different places, or the timing just is not right. And if that happens to you, do not ever feel as if you are cheating on whoever it is that comes your way after, or who you end up settling with – because I do believe that in as much as we are capable of loving wholeheartedly, we are also capable of loving different people, in a multitude of an in various ways. So remember, that how you choose to love someone will always be your own most special way, and no one can take that away from you or your partner.

Indeed, the journey to finding true love is one with no norms or formulas. No rhyme, no reason, and seldom with a single justification. It is one that is unique to every couple, as it is to every individual. But if there is one thing I believe that ties us all in together somehow, and that I believe I can generalize, it is that it’ll find you. And it will always happen when the time is right.