My husband, the stay-at-home dad
“So, you have a ‘house husband’? Wow. Pero may business naman siya, diba?”
People who learn that my husband stays at home are often surprised.
At first, I’d be full of feminist indignation. I’d argue that parenting has no gender: Why should childcare solely be the purview of women?
I slowly realized that the progressive ideals my husband and I shared were hard to understand.
Well-meaning friends and relatives advised us that it is not normal for men to be at home. Others told me that he might stray because I was making him “less of a man.” My husband had to endure the kantyaw (crude jokes) of friends about being my dependent. We were not your typical family.
Yet, all these discomforts pale in comparison to the rewards we enjoy. Here some benefits of having a stayat-home dad:
1. Children develop a healthier view of gender roles when they see fathers sharing the load. My own parents took turns staying at home with us. Seeing my own dad do the laundry or cook for me and my sisters was not unusual. I grew up with the understanding that childcare was the responsibility and priority of both parents.
2. Dads bring a sense of security that household help and relatives cannot give. I can count on my husband to be fully present for our child every day. His day includes keeping track of her homework, giving her emotional support after a bad day at school, and making sure she eats healthy. Often,
yayas will give children whatever they want to stop them from crying! Giving our child security also means setting good boundaries. Having a dad at home is instrumental to keeping those boundaries in check.
3. It saves our family money. Having the father as the main caregiver at home instead of employing extra help or enrolling our child in daycare is easier on the budget. The savings we have is put towards meeting other financial goals.
4. Dad can discover new things. Before he became a stay-at-home dad, my husband only knew the simplest of recipes. Today, he’s a kitchen whiz who can cook up the best chicken tenders, comforting soups, make pasta sauces from scratch, create bottled preserves, and more! Spending more time at home gave him the opportunity to discover this side of himself.
5. We get to spend more quality time. Make no mistake, being a stayat-home dad is a full time job. I admire how much my husband can get done in a day. It’s wonderful to come home and not scramble to finish household. Instead, our little family can relax and talk about our day.
6. I don’t have to be “super mom.” There’s a lot of pressure on moms to bear the brunt of housework and child rearing, even as they work outside the home. The support of my husband has led me to accept my own limitations. He always reminds me to ask for help and to tend to my mental health. While the career I chose is a stressful one, I am able to pursue it because I’m encouraged to rest at home.
Plus, I also have baons that are the envy of my colleagues because my husband makes those for me too!
I understand that choosing to be a stay-at-home parent is not for everyone. For most families, having a two-income household where both parents are in the workforce is a necessity. Meanwhile, some parents enjoy working outside the home.
There’s no single formula for raising a family. What’s important is we pursue a path that brings out the best parent and partner in us. Our children don’t need parents who live up to society’s standards. Our sons and daughters need parents who are present.
Tish Martinez-Castillo is wife to Romano and mother to 7-year old Gabby. She has worked in various public relations roles in the last decade. Tish is also the lead convenor of The Foundation Foundation PH, a Christian volunteer group of beauty enthusiasts who support the recovery of sex trafficking survivors by providing personal care items and cosmetics.