A legacy of light learning

TWO Sundays ago, my most beloved grand- aunt Consuelo “Chito” Madrigal Collantes celebrated her 11th birthday in heaven. Cliché as it may sound, time did fly us by, and when I think about all that has transpired in the past decade, it dawns on me how blessed I was to know her to the depths that I did. Her presence and influence in the person that I am today is immeasurable, and many times, as I introspect on a silent moment, I realize how much our everyday conversation filled with antics and half- meant, sometimes even snide remarks have translated into lessons I look back at, time and again.

Here are five of them – “light learnings” if you will – not written in stone, serendipitously, but repeatedly said during candid moments, but that has left an imprint in me after being interjected into discussions on a regular basis to add some color. Although during my teenage years I

had the tendency to laugh these off, I never realized that it had sunken so deep into my being, and would resonate so soundly with me until now.

FAMILY FIRST, ALWAYS –

I cannot stress enough how much she believed this, valued, this, and exemplified this. So much so that she was one to take attendance during weekly Sunday lunch, gatherings, and most especially during momentous occasions. She likened our clan to a colony of bees who may fight each other, but at the end of the day, love each other immeasurably that if you fight any of us, or rattle our hive, we sting as a colony. Undoubtedly, she was our Queen Bee.

LOVE OTHERS, BUT LOVE YOURSELF MORE –

And by no means did she mean that in a conceited selfish way. Through her example, even at a tender age, I was taught to give back, and to make that a part of my (daily) life. I learned at a very young age that charity begins at home, and that our house help is extended family who deserve the same amount of respect, care, trust, and love that we demand from them. I was taught to love others, but she never failed to remind me to love myself first, because only when we are whole, and are a hundred percent at ease with ourselves can we wholeheartedly give and share our best with others. She was most definitely ahead of the great Whitney Houston hit, and it was constantly ingrained in us as well to always preserve the dignity of oneself, and that of others as well. She only knew how to give on wholes, and never in halves, but she always put value on herself first and foremost. This, I believe, is something she imbibed so deeply in my being.

MARRY ONLY FOR LOVE –

For no other reason. Not because your parents are forcing someone on you. Not for financial stability, or because someone is touted as the most eligible bachelor/bachelorette in society. Not because you’re getting old, and are being pressured to.

DO NOT BE ATTACHED TO MATERIAL OBJECTS

for these can be replaced. Take care of your things, splurge and treat yourself when you deserve it, but make sure to use what you have. Most importantly, even if objects may possess sentimental value of sorts because of who gave it, where you got it, or because of the memories it may hold, do not be attached to a fault. No goodness has ever come out of clenching on to anything material, and situations occur when we may unintentionally loose a precious piece. Although it may make you sad and rattle you for a bit, don’t agonize because material objects can always be replaced and worked for. Remember, you only have one life to live, so make it count!

“EVERYONE IS A SOCIAL CLIMBER”

at some point in their lives. So if you are ever tagged as one, that just means people are noticing your efforts and presence. She never quite understood why people would warn her against “social climbers,” or why some even tagged others as such. At the end of the day, she saw nothing wrong with expanding your network and cultivating relationships, for as long as you understand and are prepared that not everyone’s intentions may be genuine. Everyone, at some point, will work their way through different circles because they strive, and will want to work their way up, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. We were all in their shoes at some point, she would always say. Not all of your closest friendships will be forged within your inner circle, in the same way that not all business deals are sealed in the board room.

Every day, I miss her. And every day, I wonder to myself how different life would be if she were still around, and I never stop wishing that she was still here. I am, consoled, however, by something she told me. Perhaps as her way of preparing a then 17-yearold for one of her life’s greatest losses: “The ones who truly love you will never say goodbye,” she said. And may I add that as my sixth learning? Because every day, as I look back, recall, and reconnect yet another lesson to that legacy she unknowingly created and left behind, I know she is still around, and has never left. Her presence is greater than ever, and I am reassured that she will always be a part of me.