HAVE COURAGE, BE KIND
Bianca Gonzalez-Intal and Paolo Valenciano, on the importance of gentle parenting
Let’s face it: Parenting can get overwhelming at times. When children are being disobedient or difficult, parents end up losing their temper and yelling at them. This scenario is something that baby bath and body care brand Johnson & Johnson believes should be avoided, and this concern has paved the way for the company to launch its #ChooseGentle movement.
Despite the rollercoaster of emotions that come with raising children, this project hopes to encourage parents to practice the ‘three Cs’ discussed in Sarah Ockwell-Smith’s
“The Gentle Parenting Book,” the Cs being positive communication, the connection that needs to be established, and consistent recognition of their children’s thoughts and feelings.
In a sit-down interview, celebrity parents Bianca Gonzalez-Intal and Paolo Valenciano shared their realizations on the importance of gentle parenting. Here are some of the reasons.
CHILDREN IMITATE ACTIONS
Several parents believe their children are following the examples they are setting more than listening to what they are saying. This especially rings true for Bianca, who recalls instances when her daughters Lucia, 4, and Carmen, 9 months, mirror her mood. “Guarding your energy is so important. I noticed with my firstborn, I was more stressed and the baby was fussier, versus when I gave birth to my second (child). Since I had gone through it all before, I was a bit more calm and the baby’s demeanor was also more calm,” she recounts.
Since then, Bianca has made it a point to try to be more gentle and loving around her daughters. “They kind of echo what you do. So who I am to my child, that’s how she is to her baby sister or to others. If we raise them in a kinder and gentler way, they will tend to be like that to others also,” she added.
On the other hand, this realization has made Paolo stop himself from spanking or raising his voice whenever his two-year-old daughter Nataleia
Martine or ‘Leia’ misbehaves. “My biggest fear every time she plays around with other children is I don’t want her to be hitting them. I want her to be sharing, so that’s something I keep in mind every time. That’s the first thing that pops in my head, so it changes my approach on how to enforce the rules,” explains Paolo, who describes himself as the disciplinarian.
IT’S AN EASIER WAY TO BUILD RAPPORT
Staying connected with their children is another important thing according to Bianca and Paolo.
Despite their busy schedules, they make it a point to prioritize quality time with their little ones.
“I do notice when it comes to playing, that’s the only time that Leia is looking for me and I want to build that relationship I have with her,” says Paolo, who gets to spend less time with his daughter compared to his wife Samantha.
He takes play time with Leia seriously, trying to allot at least an hour in the morning and another one at night when he can. It is Paolo’s means of not just connecting with his daughter, but strengthening their bond as well. “The most important really for me is to be able to play with her so that we develop the trust, that relationship where she knows that I’m not just her dad, I’m also her friend,” he adds.
Bianca believes little things matter to children, a reason as to why she tries to lessen her screen time when she is at home, so she can focus on her daughters. “Until now, I bring my daughter to school. I put her to sleep. When I’m home, everything that can be done, I’ll try to do myself. They don’t forget moments like that. They appreciate little things like that.”
‘They kind of echo what you do. So who I am to my child, that’s how she is to her baby sister or to others. If we raise them in a kinder and gentler way, they will tend to be like that to others also.’