MARRIAGE ON LOCKDOWN

Relationships under fire? Here’s how to cool things down at home

Let’s face it—we love our husbands/wives, but it can be exhausting to be with them 24/7 during this enhanced community quarantine. “The virus outbreak is quite a huge concern in every Filipino family. It might bring good or not so good [scenarios] in all kinds of relationships,” says Rudin Gerardo Gonzales, executive director for One Algon Place Foundation, Inc. It’s a mental health facility and treatment rehabilitation accredited by the Department of Health (DOH) that also offers therapy for family and couples.

His wife, certified community mental health worker Cel Casas Gonzales, adds, “To share our life with the one we love is like a binding promise, it means values, beliefs, and needs must be addressed. Embracing these trying times can create risks in our relationships, which is why being ahead of this virus [in every aspect] is the way to prevent more problems in the coming days.”

Married for 16 years with three children, Rudin and Cel have been through a lot and counseled quite a number of couples and families under their foundation.

Here are some tried-and-tested tips to help you get through this challenging time.

Be considerate.

We have to understand that men and women operate differently. Wives have the tendency to think in advance, and they want to know things right away. Husbands like to take it easy and absorb things as the day goes by. Each one has different ways to handle panic and stressful situations. Let us be considerate with each other.

Calm down.

If you feel irritated toward your partner, silently count up to 10 seconds—inhale and exhale deeply to calm yourself down. Raising your voice will not help the situation. If this doesn’t work out, you can call a trusted friend to let out steam.

Pick your battles.

In case you discover not so favorable things about your husband or wife such as tough dealings, conversations, and financial problem issues, consider if it’s worth arguing about. You have to work together on how to survive and make a living in any way you can, especially if you have kids to take care of. It is also important to remember that your children are watching, and they can absorb everything they see and hear. Behave!

Listen.

Everyone is distraught. Think about the possibility of transferring it to each other and to other family members. Arguments must have no room, but if it cannot be prevented, it is wise to wait until you’re both ready to listen and talk.

Help each other.

In case you’re both working or one of you is still working from home, help make WFH bearable by sharing household chores. This way, you help each other get by daily.

Respect.

Give each other time so that everyone can do self-care. These can be in the form of exercise and other hobbies or interests that you have been putting off. It’s allotted time and space apart that will help lessen the pressure, and going outside for some social distancing.

In case you have seniors inside the house, respect your husband or wife if she needs to give time and prioritize them. Most of them feel helpless and are in need of attention under these circumstances.

For those who need to work outside and spend time apart, try to be resourceful. Try to use technology to date online, find time to appreciate each other, and discuss things that need to be done due to your physical absence. Support each other, even if you’re far apart.

No relationship is perfect, and arguments will always be part of it. “Quarrels are part of any growing relationship. You must learn to love the good and the bad traits of your partner. Some quarrels are petty, some are way below the belt. And with all these arguments, we get to know the limits of our partners in life and learn to respect those limits,” ends Cel.

‘Embracing these trying times can create risks in our relationships, which is why being ahead of this virus [in every aspect] is the way to prevent more problems in the coming days.’