Alone but never lonely
ROsE Pantas, 89, had been a widow for 18 years. Her two surviving sons are married and living away from her. still remarkably up and about, she chose to live alone in her Quezon City home and still travel. When I bumped into one of her sons somewhere in Alabang, Muntinlupa City, I asked how Ate Rose was doing.
“Right now she’s in Baguio,” Boyet said. “Last time she was in Clark, and before that, in subic.”
It surprised me what a ‘rolling stone’ Ate Rose had become, travelling far and wide in her advanced years.
As it turned out, this ‘merry widow’ had been spending her time serving as a volunteer preacher among different congregations of Jehovah’s Witnesses across the country.
No doubt, she was virtually alone in life, but never spent moments in utter loneliness because she busied herself in her evangelizing work. Her exposure to various surroundings in the joyful company of fellow Witnesses, who keep in touch with her almost daily via Messenger
or sMs, would leave her no moments at all for loneliness. Alone at home, she does a lot of Bible reading, tends to her garden, and cares for her pet dog.
Rose Pantas is apparently one of the rare elderlies who have chosen to live alone and still manage well. Most of her contemporaries would have already succumbed to the infirmities common to old age. Upon reaching 70 or 80, they are likely to be consigned to the home for the aged by children who have become too busy to care for them.
Those facing a lonely end
No matter how wealthy one had been in his prime, an aged person is likely to face his remaining days in utter loneliness — with some living in affluent surroundings, like mansions, waited on by servants to care for every personal need. But would anyone be spared of loneliness in the absence of anyone who could interact with him constantly, to whom he can confide his innermost thoughts and feelings? Ideally, someone who can offer him words of comfort too?
Many years ago, I was visiting a 95-year-old British expatriate who was then living in the Philippines for some 50 years. His Filipino wife had died of cancer. All their children were married and living comfortably abroad.
sir Thomas was still remarkably strong for his age. His eyesight had not gone very weak; he was doing a lot of reading with the use of a large magnifying lens. We discussed Bible topics, which delighted him so. Then he confided a lingering concern.
“I had everything in life,” he said. “But do you know what’s bothering me? Each day I face loneliness. I have two maids and a dog with me. But can they talk to me about meaningful things like you do?”
“Doesn’t your doctor visit you?” I inquired.
“My doctor?” he reacted with a faint laugh. “He had died years ago!”
It embarrassed me to have asked. Yet, I realized the truth of what he said. To a man his age, nothing could be more real in life than loneliness. His remaining family — his middle-aged children
— live halfway across the globe. How often had they been calling to check on him? I restrained myself from asking. It might embarrass him too.
surviving friends or contemporaries? surely, sir Thomas had already outlived them all!
I could imagine him sitting or lying around the house all day, left to do nothing but read, watch TV, and reminisce on his long past. I did my best to visit him every now and then till he passed away a couple of years later. He left me the memory of a man lonely to the very end.
Of course, sir Thomas was more fortunate than most individuals who reached that age or were some years younger. In the Us where it appears common for old people to spend their last years alone in isolation, it was not uncommon to hear of pathetic accounts of elderlies dying alone. Police would discover their bodies only after neighbors had reported them missing for days.
To be continued…