Bridging the distance
ENGLISH playwright William Shakespeare once wrote that “parting is such sweet sorrow” that it leads someone to look forward to seeing the other again. This perfectly describes seafaring couples during that small, quiet moment at the airport where one turns his back and walks away while the other looks on until a crowd of travelers close in on that speck of the luggage-loaded man.
Seafaring is a lucrative profession, indeed, but it can be tough on families, more so for couples. Studies show that loneliness and homesickness are among the most debilitating and damaging psychological problems among seafarers, usually caused by long periods of being away from home. The toll is such that even Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet may struggle with the length of time apart.
As for Arnel and Noemi Alvaran’s case, keeping the spark in each other’s eyes is a product of a conscious and a seemingly lifelong commitment to courting.
“Constant communication plays an important role in any relationship. We talk about everything. Honesty for us is not just not telling a lie but sharing whatever it is there for us to talk about whether good or bad; and there’s not a single day without saying ‘I love you’ not only to each other but with our children as well,” Noemi shares.
Her husband, Arnel, works as chief engineer for very large crude carriers (VLCC) and tanker vessels.
Like many seafaring couples, the Alvarans went through the shift of overseas communications from airmail, telex, satellite calls, and voice tapes in the 90s to the online messaging and video calls of the 21st century. Distance and technology never hindered their connection as husband and wife; in fact, not even the sedentary days of domesticity have ever faded the new-found kind of love as it was when they first met. People close to the couple observed how they are genuinely happy and loving — the kind that stays affectionate, attentive, and cheerful with each other even when no one is around.
The couple first met accidentally during the 1995 acquaintance ball at the Philippine Merchant Marine Academy (PMMA) in Fort Bonifacio — Noemi as a guest of a cadet who was too busy managing the events’ committee, and Arnel who was asked to attend to her instead.
“He was introduced to me as the Corps Commander. But more than his looks and intellect, I felt his humble and kind spirit and how much he values his family,” Noemi recalled. After the exchange of their first “hellos” on September 25 of that year, they began sharing their love after two months, and a year later decided to tie the knot. They are celebrating their 25th anniversary this April.
Struggles of separation
The couple is constantly battling their struggles whenever being apart comes. Arnel is still fraught in leaving his family behind along with all the adventures, peace, comfort, and love that he finds in them. Noemi had to give birth to three children while her husband was on board. She also strained with raising them mostly on her own.
“She would brave the Friday evening traffic just so she could gather all our three children for a weekend together. Our son was then studying in UP Diliman and was living alone away from home,” Arnel said with admiration.
“For us, the greatest challenge was to nurture our children with balanced love and discipline with just the mother present and having a virtual father most of the time.”
Washed by blessings of the sea
With their life revolving around at sea — Arnel working as a seafarer and both volunteering for the Philippine Coast Guard Auxiliary (Pcga) — the Alvarans sees the ocean as a great and complex source of life.
“It mixed up the ideal family set up of the father being around as a role model for his son, a shoulder to cry on for her daughters, and a husband who shares the chores and sweet moments with his wife. However, Arnel’s life at sea enables us to occasionally reach out and become God’s channel of blessings to others. We get to go on adventures as a family, serve the marine environment, and by God’s grace, prepare not only our children’s future but for our retirement as well,” Noemi reflected.
The Alvarans attributed all the transformations and blessings of the sea to their faith. “Constantly praying for one another helps us go through all the odds! His Words guide us like a lamp. When something is unwell, we pray even more and wait for God’s intervention which always comes at His best time,” she concluded.