Keep on dancing: The beauty of the marriage waltz
“KEEP on dancing because the show must go on.” This is the usual feeling for married couples who have spent a good number of years together when facing disagreements yet cannot afford to stop performing their responsibilities of married life.
The weight of married life, like the bills to be paid and the responsibilities of parenthood, could either be mitigated or aggravated depending on the quality of the relationship between the husband and wife. To quote one speaker during our (my and my wife’s) pre-marital counseling, “Your choice of spouse could become the greatest blessing or greatest burden of your life hereafter.” There is a lot of truth in that statement; that is why I chose to describe the dynamics and tension between the man and the woman as a dance, better yet, a “waltz.” This is because it requires coordination and unity of movement. But more than that, it requires complementarity.
Men and women are so different that it takes a lifetime for them to figure out how to work together. It takes a lot of work to be and stay married, but the returns of learning this dance as one would outweigh any sacrifices made in the process. Thus, learning the purpose, dynamics, tension and roles in this continuing waltz between a man and a woman could help us not only survive but thrive and appreciate the design, differences and complementarity between man and woman.
God’s design for man and woman was seen in the verses of marriage. Genesis 2:18 says, “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner.”
“It is not good for man to be alone” is a loaded statement that carries a profound message on the character of God and His creation. This is a bit amusing since we know that it is typical for a man to choose to be on his own and have full control of his own independence. Yet here is God saying that man being alone is “not good.” This shows that man and woman are really meant to be together and to complement each other and not to outdo the other. In fact, man is really called to love his wife as Christ loved the Church to the point of sacrificing His life for her. It is this “love” that is to continue despite feelings and mood swings.
This call of love and intimacy between the husband and wife is a picture and a glimpse of the greater reality of God loving and seeking to be united with His creation. We know that God is love, and He expresses himself through His unquestionable sovereign loving ways. Even His acts of justice and discipline are ultimately under the greater hierarchy of His love for His creation and His chosen people.
The nature of God as being triune is one of the determining doctrinal bedrock for Christians. God the being has eternally existed in a loving relationship with His triune person, God the Father, God the Son and God the Spirit. God decided to create the world and everything in it as an extension of their loving relationship. Moreso, the Triune God decided to create man in His own image, which He purposed to find completeness and wholeness in God the Son, Christ Jesus, the head of his redeemed people, which is His Body.
The Body of Christ is comprised of men and women who have entered a covenantal love relationship with God through Christ Jesus, who is the second person in the Godhead. It is the mystery of the ages that God has awaited to reveal until the resurrection of Christ, which is God the Son completely united with His redeemed people as His body. This hope-filled mystery the Apostle Paul has plainly put as “Christ in me the Hope of Glory.”
I believe that all of man’s aspirations and yearnings are summed up in his or her desire to be totally united with His creator, regardless of whether he or she knows it or not. An honest analysis and search of our hearts will show us that all our finite desires and wants are but an indication and reflection of our greater need for the infinite. So long as there is dissatisfaction in the world, man will always try to find a way to satisfy it with something or someone. However, a desire for the infinite will always be dissatisfied until it finds its rest in the source of life, from whom all created beings belong and are sustained by His power and will.
The satisfaction that God gives to man is not found in the gifts or supplies that He can give to man but is reached when man finds that the true satisfaction is being one with God Himself. The satisfaction that we all yearn for is being one with the only infinite God who also gave Himself completely to us on the cross of Calvary. Man united with his fellow men and women in Christ shall ultimately be united to God, which is the highlight and crescendo of our future as believers in Christ. This is depicted by the Book of Revelations as the marriage supper of the Lamb. Christ the King shall return to receive His bride, His body, in a glorious day of union and wedding. After that day, there shall be no more tears and pain because man shall be fully owned by the infinite God who loves him dearly.
This is what God has intended for the marriage between man and woman, a strong reminder of His will and design to be one with His creation. Man and woman are a sacred gift to each other, and they are to complement in the blessed covenantal love for each other. They are to manifest in their pursuit of oneness with one another the message of God’s continuous pursuit of oneness with us. This is the very reason why the dynamics between man and woman is a blessed and beautiful waltz of a complex relationship that is both strenuous and enriching for both. It is a difficult and unending puzzle that was intended to sharpen each other in perfect complementation. One’s strength is the other’s weakness, and the other’s weakness can find strength in the other’s strength. This is the beauty hidden in the dynamics between man and woman that allows us to explore and experience the mystery of Christ and the Church.
In the unity of man and woman in marriage, we find the message of hope in the coming unity of Christ and His people. In celebrating the gift of uniqueness and differences of man and woman, we find the endless pursuit of God of His creation and man’s continuous yearning for His creator.
Man and woman are in an endless dance of figuring each other out and trying to work out their relationship. This waltz may include the painful process of learning how to submit to each other and love each other. They will chasten each other and become better versions of themselves. Through the process of married life, men and women are given the opportunity to be more and more like Christ as they seek to manifest God’s grace to one another.
There will be hard and awkward days, but never give up on the waltz because in it lies God’s mystery of His message of love and union for his creation. Whenever you see imperfections in each other, just remember that Christ alone is our satisfaction and that God has called you to love each other unconditionally.
Remember to keep on dancing and enjoy the waltz.