A mother again at 44
Ifirst became a mother at the tender age of 21, and it filled my life with joy, happiness, and the profound responsibility of nurturing a little one. Little did I know that decades later, I would embark on a vastly different journey toward motherhood.
The journey to this season of motherhood, however, wasn’t paved with the same simplicity and spontaneity as the first.
Infertility, a concept I had only heard about in hushed tones, became an unexpected companion in my 40s. It was a revelation that left me grappling with emotions, uncertainties and even questions I had not anticipated.
Essentially, after half a decade of trying to conceive, I was tested and diagnosed as having an autoimmune condition called APAS, also known as Anti Phospholipid Antibody Syndrome. This condition increases the risk for many undesirable things during pregnancy, such as miscarriages, stillbirths, premature delivery and even preeclampsia. My senior maternal age did not help either, as the added years did the same to the long list of risk factors.
But as they say, God has His divine reasons for delaying certain events in a person’s life and His own timing for everything. Sadly, too, in between our efforts of conceiving, I lost both my parents, while the onset of the pandemic further made it challenging to go through the motions.
qhe decision to delve into the world of IVF, or in vitro fertilization, marked a turning point in my desired date with the stork, leading me to the doorstep of Kato. Kato is a clinic that would become an instrumental part of my narrative and where my journey resulted in five cycles of IVF, each accompanied by a rollercoaster of emotions.
The first four attempts yielded no success, prompting a necessary pause for reflection. It was during this hiatus that I immersed myself in research, seeking a hybrid approach that blended clinical precision with holistic practices.
Being diagnosed with APAS also presented its own treatment approach. I did Lymphocyte Immunization Therapy, commonly known as LIT, a few times. This involves processing my husband’s extracted blood to just the WBC Ewhite blood cells), which would then be infused into my system a few hours later. I also did IVIG (Intravenous Immunoglobulin), another kind of infusion that was prescribed before my egg harvest and embryo transfer.
My immunologist and OB-GYN doctors became my trusted guides in the clinical realm, offering advice and insights that shaped my course. Simultaneously, I embraced the natural side of the spectrum, incorporating acupuncture and chiropractic care into my routine. My vegan lifestyle, a longstanding choice, was complemented by a gluten-free diet.
Finally, this hybrid approach seemed to have worked as we were able to produce 12 eggs and, from there, proceed to the creation of three precious embryos. By this time, I was 43.
Oh, babies!
In God’s perfect time, two of the three embryos found their home within me, and I was already 44 by the time I gave birth. This long-awaited milestone marked the culmination of my special IVF journey that tested my resilience and patience. I gave birth to a precious pair of twins for whom I’d it all over again.
Now, on many nights when I’d watch them in peaceful slumber, I often look back at the experience that brought us together and realize it wasn’t just about science. It was also an intricate dance between hope and the unknown. It taught me that motherhood, irrespective of age, is a unique journey riddled with twists and turns and that no one should ever doubt the resilience of the human spirit.
Amid all these lessons and my immense gratitude toward the wonders of medicine, my doctors, and the Lord God above, who kept the flames of hope faithfully burning within me, I knew I had one more thing to do. I had to do this — write and share my story today in the fervent hope that it may inspire the unwavering spirit of a woman on the cusp of embracing motherhood once again to stay the course.
The role of IVF
For those considering IVF toward the same quest for motherhood, I have even more to share with you. Whether you are stepping into this realm for the first time, considering it at a later stage of life, or desiring to be a birth mom, my experience with IVF and its ancillary interventions has unveiled a crucial perspective.
Consider IVF as the last mile of your journey — a transport vehicle that brings your embryos from point A to point B, with point B as the special place in a woman’s body where the beginnings of being a mom happen. Getting there requires a solid team effort among you, your husband or partner, and your doctors. Working together is crucial for things to go well.
You should also remember that going through IVF is not the standalone solution in conceiving a baby. Every case is different, and again, it can’t all depend on the science. Undergoing an IVF procedure requires, in parallel, that the environment inside your body is able enough to allow the embaby or embabies to implant. Otherwise, it becomes an exercise of futility when, a week
later, you find out that the procedure did not yield satisfactory results.
Preparing yourself
The failed cycles I went through taught me a lot and allowed me to take a step back and understand more clearly what needs to be done.
Incorporating a lifestyle based on best practices would be a good starting point to prepare your body for what lies ahead using IVF. Similarly, it is worthwhile exploring holistic programs that would complement your objective. There are obvious habits, too, that need to be out of the picture for the time being, such as sleeping late and drinking alcohol.
Likewise, to further support the investments that you make in your physical body in terms of food and treatments, it is wise to ensure that your mindset is aligned. Don’t stress yourself with the unknown, and worry will not get you anywhere. So avoid these things as much as possible, remain focused on your journey, and give weight to your positive mindset.
Moreover, having a support system will be very helpful as you embark on this journey. This support system need not be large in terms of numbers but just right for you to go through the motions. My husband had been so supportive throughout my IFV experience, making all the difference amid the trials and triumph.
Owning your journey
Remember that you are the sole lead in this endeavor, and it is crucial that you own it with all your heart and soul. There is certainly a need to project manage this journey, focusing on each milestone and win along the way to get to the next step.
gust the sheer number of doctors and their own treatment plans, plus your own personal approach, will surely require a hands-on and deliberate way of managing things.
As I said, IVF is not a standalone solution but a vital component in a larger narrative. The groundwork, the meticulous planning, and the emotional investment are the tasks you navigate alongside your chosen team of doctors. Each step is a part of a symphony – the medications, the monitoring, the meticulous timing – all orchestrated to bring your dreams to fruition.
Motherhood, whether it arrives in your 20s or 40s or through the miracles of science, is a tapestry woven with love, hope, and the unwavering spirit of those who dare to dream. My journey, marked by its complexities and triumphs, stands as a testament to the transformative power of hope, determination, and the collaborative effort between a mother’s dreams and the expertise of those who walk alongside her.
For those who harbor the dream of embracing motherhood amid the challenges of infertility, may this story kindle a flame of inspiration within you. May it resonate as a testament that the dream of becoming a mother knows no deadline and that the orchestrations of God’s timing do unfold in the most perfect and divine manner.
In every heartbeat, in every struggle, and in every triumph, may you find the unwavering belief that your journey to motherhood is a testament to resilience, hope, and the timeless grace of perfect timing. Happy International Women’s Day!
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About the author: Besides being a doting mom and happy wife, Kay Calpo Lugtu is a plant-based nutrition advocate. A weekly food columnist for The Manila Times Lifestyle, she studied at the International School of Culinary Arts and Hotel Management (ISCHAM) and took courses locally and overseas. She is also the Chief Operating Officer of Hungry Workhorse, a digital and culture transformation firm. Her advocacies include nation-building, education and sustainability. The author may be reached at kaycalpolugtu@gmail. com or follow her at Instagram @kaycalpolugtu and @aplateofbahaykubo.