Happy birthday, Mama
“HAS there lived a writer who claimed never to have been influenced in the smallest part, for good or ill, by their mother.” — The Guardian Article, Writers and Their Mothers review – the legacy of maternal blessings
I would not be writing to you today if my mother did not give me a Pocahontas journal when I was seven or purchased my first Sweet Valley Kids Book (Lila’s Birthday Bash) around the same time. My childhood wasn’t filled with toys but of stories — the Berenstain Bears, teleseryes, and stories of my mother’s own childhood.
As a child, I was attached to my mom’s hip because she refused to have someone else take care of us. I never understood that burden until I became a mom myself four years ago. My mom did not believe in “me time,” she was often awake at 4 a.m., preparing for the day, taking us to school, and when I was in high school, eagerly waiting for us to come home so we could watch the Korean show Irene during my lunch break. I didn’t know it back then but I was creating memories that would tide me through the tough seasons, even the tough seasons I had with my own mother.
Our relationship has grown so much in the last ten years. We’ve had our biggest fights, biggest arguments, and of course our biggest milestones. Even if she hasn’t seen Balthazar in person, he knows that having a conversation with his “Lala” makes him feel better and even at three years old, I can see that he now has someone he can talk to aside from his parents. My mom grew up being taken care of by her Lola Kulot and to see that reflected in her relationship with my son is special.
It’s timely that my mom celebrates her birthday during Women’s Month because she has definitely survived a lot in her life including a bout with domestic violence before she turned 30 and being conned by a swindler before she hit 40. I knew all these stories growing up but never truly understood what it meant and how it impacted her until I moved out and started building my own family.
This month, my mom hits a big milestone birthday and I would like to take this space, a space she helped build, to honor her and everything that she has been through. Due to the many things she has experienced in the past, my mom has become her own person and while we may not always see eye-to-eye I always find myself blessed to have the opportunity to celebrate her both publicly and privately.
Happy birthday, Mama! I would not be where I am today without your guidance and belief in me. May this be the year that Balty can give you a giant hug in person and have a photo with you.