Bridging the generation gap
NOWADAYS, most adults, particularly parents and others who deal with teenagers, seem to be united in their perception that teenagers are very difficult to deal with. Complaints abound that the kids do not listen to advises, or instructions or that they are stubborn, hardheaded, and want to have their way all the time. Then, the complaint is usually followed by the nostalgic observation that the kid used to be so sweet, so open with the parents, so dependent, so obedient and so on.
And of course, the much older generation, the grandparents, would react by saying to the parents, you were also like that once. And the cycle is said to go on and on and on.
When one really thinks about it, the observations of both parents and grandparents regarding the growing stage of each of their own children, seem indeed to have a high degree of validity. Thus, we have always heard of what is called “the generation gap” referring specifically to that certain period in life when parents and their children just cannot seem to agree on anything. Certainly after a decade or so, such conflicts usually vanish after which it is again experienced by the next two younger generations.
Normal as it might be, however, the anxiety and the pressure this generation gap creates between the two succeeding and conflicting generations cannot be ignored. The misinterpretations cause real problems and agony and can result in all sorts of negative effects on the lives of those involved in it.
Scores of people can probably testify as to how these stressful situations; as to how this “generation gap” has tumbledown their lives. For it can result in ill health, in broken homes, in long-lived hostilities. In short, it can result in very painful consequences between parents and children, between siblings, between family members. It can cause a person to hurt another without really intending to and even feeling very sorry for it later too. It is good if the regret is expressed and apology is henceforth given. What if pride interferes and prevents such action?
The question that arises then is – how can we overcome this generation gap? Or at least, how do we avoid what might be its devastating results?
It should be recalled by most parents that when the children were much younger, they seemed to take orders better, to consult their parents before they made decisions, to confide and talk to their parents more than with others.
When they became teenagers, situations were reversed. Now, they would rather talk to or confide or consult with their friends than with their parents. This is why parents now worry about “peer pressure.” Of course, this is very good when the parents feel that the child goes with the right kind of group or his peers. What if it is the “bad” ones that he goes with? The battle is now on, as to whothe child will follow – his peers or group or or his parents? What can the parents do to have a winning chance in the “battle”?
As parents, we should subtly make our kids understand that we are interested in their concerns; that we would like to talk to them; that we can listen. This means that we should listen more like their friends, ask questions, perhaps without being too intrusive, suggesting alternatives but allowing them to make their own choices.
Even if the choice is not something that we would give our “blessings,” at least give them an idea about the possible consequences of their actions or choices. Mull things over with them. In the end, respect their decision but let them feel that whatever happens, you will be there ready to help in any way you can. We should remember that we also learn from our mistakes.
Of course there may be times when we have to say No; when we have to put our foot down and assert our roles as parents. In cases like this, we need to be firm; we do not say yes to an idea one day and say no to the same idea the next day. Let us be firm in our decisions but make sure the kids understand the reasons for it.
Finally, make a good example of yourself to your kids. As they say, “walk your talk,” keep your communication lines always open, and do not be an absentee parent. Show your caring and love by being there for him all the time. If we truly love our kids, we can do no less. (