Mothers by fate
MOTHERHOOD may not always be biological.
Filipino families have evolved by composition, as more households now enjoy “unconventional” structures. Family roles are getting more flexible, as relatives, friends and even strangers take specific familial responsibilities to build the best homes.
Despite the transition of roles, maternal influence still plays a key role in the children’s character development. A mother’s love is said to be important in the overall well-being of a child, and is often irreplaceable. However, due to un- foreseen circumstances, there are people who won’t mind an alternative.
Some kids actually grew up blessed with non-biological moms who commit to take on
the “toughest job in the world.” These are women who have successfully raised good, intelligent, confident and kind-hearted individuals, and have nothing but pure love and affection for the sons and daughters they consider their own.
Mother’s Day is also about them.
Raised by Mima
Edward Morales, 24, only has high praises for his lola Estrella. Since his mom worked abroad and his father drove a cab daily for a living while he was growing up, Edward never felt lacking or different from the kids who enjoyed a traditional family life. After all, he has his “Mima.”
It is not uncommon for grandparents to take on a parental role in the Philippines, as most kids today have both parents working to better meet the growing economic demands of a comfortable life. According to a study conducted by the University Hospitals of Columbia and Cornell, “grandparents provide stability, predictability, and a healthy role model for their grandchildren as they bring the benefit of experience and perspective to the parenting process.”
Love of family was never scarce in Edward’s life, as Mima would take care of him “like a boss.” She stopped working full-time to take care of him and his sister Jam. Mima didn’t want to leave the nurturing to helpers, whom she believed show little to no real affection.
Now a technical support associate for an American electronics company, Edward treasures how Mima taught him the value of education as a sure ticket to making his dreams come true. She’d always remind him, too, to be a stand-up guy, to never deceive, and to never lie.
Widowed early at 28 in 1970, and with four kids to take care of singlehandedly, Mima mastered maternal love quite early. Now at 72, she is a proud lola of 27 grandkids. Her relationship with Edward, however, was special. Mima witnessed his early milestones, like the time Edward already learned how to speak at two, or how he excelled or played around in school. She would attend to his field trips and other activities. She even worked parttime as a nanny to earn extra income for his needs. “Sila talaga ang priority
ko,” she’d say. Mima would also be on guard in case people would threaten to hurt them. “Huwag na huwag lang nilang sasaktan ang mga apo ako. Ako makakalaban nila,” she’d always say. “I’ll never forget that time when I came down with a flu when I was seven. I was having nightmares due to high fever. I felt like the walls were closing in on me. It was one of the scariest moments of my life and she was there. She took care of me and made me feel better,” Edward says. “That’s when I knew that she’ll always be there for me. And I promise to al-
ways be there for her.”
Auntie nanay
This is how 30-year old Rupert Laxamana remembers his aunt Erlinda, who decided to raise them when they lost their mom when he was two. Living within modest means, “Auntie” worked hard to make sure that he and his sister still lived decently. She worked hard to get him scholarship grants from the local government, so he could study in good schools. When his dad’s sari-sari store closed down, she sold balut to earn money. She was his teacher, his self-confessed fan, and his “prefect of discipline.” She was his mother.
Through the years, Auntie and Rupert were quite inseparable. “Kasama niya ako sa palengke at ibibili niya lahat ng gusto ko kahit wala na siyang pera. Siya katabi ko palagi matulog hanggang Grade 6 ako.”
He adds: “Kahit hindi ako galing sa kanya, naramdaman ko na sobrang minahal niya ako at si Ate. Siya yung tao na kahit anong problema ang dumating, kakayanin iyan. Natutunan ko rin sa kaniya na kailangang maging appre
ciative sa mga bagay na mayroon ka. Maging kuntento. Hindi kailangan na maghanap.” He recalled how he cried because they didn’t have a TV in the house. Auntie warned that it’ll only distract them from their studies, but he found out she just couldn’t afford to buy one. When Rupert got his first paycheck years later, he bought her a big flatscreen TV.
Two years ago, Auntie passed away due to heart failure. She was 69. It was on April Fool’s Day, and Rupert wished her death wasn’t real. “Before she died, she called my name as I was outside the room,” he says. “But I didn’t get there in time.”
Despite the loss, Rupert found renewed inspiration to make the most of his life. Since Auntie always tells him to use his talents as gifts to others, Rupert continues to teach and hone young kids to write and follow their passion.
“Bayani si Auntie para sa’min. Kung may makakabulong sa kanya sa langit, sana masabi sa kanya kung paano namin siya minamahal, paano namin gusto na makita siya at mayakap ulit ni Ate,” he shares. “I want to thank her for her life.”
Like one’s own
When Marcos Prieto knew about the truth, he felt a little sad. However, unlike in the movies, there was really no drama.
A child should be told about the adoption by the adoptive parents, and in a way that they can understand. Furthermore, many experts from the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry recommend the child should be told at the youngest possible age. Other experts advise waiting until he or she is older. For Marcos’s mother Monette, she simply made sure it’s when he’ll really be able to handle it.
“It wasn’t very difficult to accept because my mom and dad never treated us differently. We are loved and welcomed,” Marcos shares. “Whenever I see my friends with their real parents, I never got jealous. My parents love me so much and that is enough for me.”
Maternal love does come from the smallest gestures. “When I was a kid, my family sleeps in one room and I always sleep beside my mom,” he shares. “She’d hug us before we sleep. Whenever she comes back from her trips abroad, she’d always surprise us with gifts.” Every mother wants the best for their children and her mom is a prime example of that. She even exceeds herself at times.
Now managing a restaurant in La Union, 32-year old Marcos credits all his successes to his mother’s unconditional love and great faith in God. “My mom would always tell me to put God as the center of my life no matter what. Every decision I make, I do it with prayers.”
Post-adoption issues, according to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, usually comprise feelings of loss, grief, anger, anxiety, or fear; and lack of self-esteem and self-confidence. Marcos never had that. After all, he was never deprived of love.
“I’ve always felt unconditionally loved by her.” “She never wanted us to grow up without a mom.” “My mother told me at a very young age that I’m adopted.”