Nonversation A MANAGER’S VIEWPOINT

THIS is a word that's scarcely used right now but seems to be getting gradual acceptance among the yuppies. I'm not sure if it's already accepted by Merriam Webster or Oxford English dictionary. I've come across of this word in the airline magazine while taking a flight from San Jose to Chicago. I thought it's the apt topic on Communication, a leader's vital tool in connecting to his/her people.

Nonversation means a worthless conversation where nothing is illuminated or explained. It typically occurs at parties, bars or other events where meaningful conversation is nearly impossible. Example: while waiting for my wife who went to the rest room, I struck into a nonversation with a stranger at the hotel lobby. Its etymology is simply a blend of non and conversation.

Conversation is a form of interactive, formal or informal interchange of thoughts, a dialogue, not a monologue. A monologue is the worst form of nonversation. The world of work has radically changed from the old-fashioned command-and-control mode to a conversational tone among equals between the leader and those who are led.

The military still maintains that command-and-control discipline but not in the business world. Even in school nowadays, there is more interaction between teachers and students. During our time, we were only glued at our desks, listened to what the teachers said and talked only when asked. Not anymore among the younger generations. They want to know not only the "what' but the 'why.' I'm reminded of the joke during Martial law days: the difference between General Ver and General Fidel Ramos who later on became President. When Marcos ordered the two generals to jump from the building, General Ver would ask: "Which floor, sir." General Ramos would asked: "Why?"

Effective leaders talk to their team and listen. We all know that effective communication is an important part of a successful organization. Communication is a two way process where the message sent by the sender is interpreted in the same way by the recipient. All of us in HR are aware of the basic principles of communication: the content, the process, and the context. Process refers to the way the message is delivered - the nonverbal elements in speech such as the tone of voice, the look in the sender's eyes, body language, hand gestures and state of emotions (anger, fear, uncertainty, confidence, etc.) that can be detected.

Many years ago when we took a course on Effective Communication by the Xerox Learning Systems, active listening and feedback was emphasized.

Active listening is a communication technique used in counseling, training and conflict resolution, which requires the listeners to feed back what they hear to the speaker by way of restating or paraphrasing what they have heard in their own words to confirm if what they heard is correct. "Let me paraphrase to ensure if I understood you correctly," is an example of confirming what you heard.

I found those learning sessions very helpful not only in counseling, mentoring, coaching, and training but more importantly, in conflict resolution. You can not engage in nonversation in collective bargaining negotiations. One has to listen what the union is saying and what it failed to say but really wanted. Union leaders are no different from politicians. They love to grandstand in the presence of their members. Let them talk and even perorate. It is through active listening that you can find a win=win solution to the conflict. Then, call the leader or key leaders to a private meeting and they will tell the practical, lower demand around which you can negotiate through conversation among equals.

Once, I had an American boss who loved to engage in nonversation. When he prefaced his words with, "Listen," that's a warning that he did not want to be interrupted. We used to joke among ourselves, "here comes the captain," in obvious reference to the captain of a Navy ship who would speak to his men through the public address system by saying, "Now, hear this. Now, hear this."

When we had a bargaining deadlock in the negotiations, he decided to join the fray and thought he could knock some sense to the union by his monologue. I warned him that the leader was a confirmed antiAmerican and he won't tolerate his nonversation. It would only harden their position. He did not heed my advice. The session turned out to be a shouting match. When the fiery leftist labor lawyer with cussed words, threatened my boss with deportation as an ugly American, he left in a huff and told me later, "Noli, go on with the negotiations. I don't think I'm cut out for labor relations."

Listening, active listening, is one of the most important competencies a manager must have. How well you listen has a major impact on your effectiveness as a manager, cultivating and nourishing good employer-employee relationships. You listen to be informed, to understand, to get feedback, to learn, to problemsolve and resolve conflicts.

When a person talks to you whether he/she is your boss, a subordinate, a peer or customer, pay attention to what is being said. Look at him/her directly, reinforce what he/she's saying by nodding your head or saying something like, "That's interesting," or "Really?" I won't recommend saying, "uh, huh," unless you are talking to an American or Westerner, or you are a balikbayan used to "uh, huhing."

What disconcerts me is if somebody I'm talking to starts fiddling with one's cell phone. Either he/she is disrespectful, insensitive, uninterested in what I'm saying or wants to cut our conversation. I would simply stop talking. One British associate had a way of checking whether I was listening by saying, "Are you with me, Noli?"

There are exceptions, of course, to mobile phone interruptions. If the call is extremely important, the person you talk to would say, "Excuse me a second, this call is very important." But not as often when you are conversing. It is crude and dysfunctional. I recently interviewed a very important CEO for a future article. Thrice his mobile phone rang; he looked at it but didn't answer the call. On the fourth time, I said, "Go ahead. I don't mind. It could be a very important business call." He showed good manners and good listening skills.

I took speed reading before. Our instructor warned us that when you read, half of your mind wanders and you only absorb 50% of what you read. You have to practice focus. There is also a disturbing research which shows that we only remember 25% to 50% of what we hear during conversation. It is absolutely important therefore that you must listen attentively.

Listening is a skill that we can all benefit by practice & constant practice. By becoming a better listener, you will improve your group's productivity, and maintain good relations. It will also enhance your ability to influence, persuade and negotiate. What's more, you'll avoid conflict and misunderstandings. All of these are necessary for workplace success as a manager and as a leader. Nonversation will not.

(Noli is Chairman of Change Management International, Inc., a management consultancy firm. Past president of PMAP and SOF and currently Vice-President of ECOP, he is a member of the Tripartite Industrial Peace Council (TIPC), Tripartite Executive Committee (TEC) and a Commissioner of the Tripartite Voluntary Arbitration Advisory Council (TVAAC). He is co-author of the revised PMAP book entitled: "Personnel Management in the 21st Century" and author of the newly-minted book, "Human Resources Management - From the Practitioner's Point of View." His email address is: nolipayos@gmail.com)