Mommy Matters…A Lot
When we ride an airplane, the flight attendants warn us—“In case of a loss in cabin pressure, oxygen masks above your head will deploy. Please place your own mask first and then proceed to assist your child or other passengers.” Initially, this went against the grain of what mommy instincts always compel me to do: children come first. In the face of adversity, I will swoop in to save them, no second thoughts. In fact, even when they get sick, I can’t help but think to myself: Lord, sana ako na lang.
But then, bawal din magkasakit si Mommy! Oh the irony…
This simplistic airline command is a vital rule for ensuring survival because it means you don’t lose precious oxygen while attempting to save someone else. It is also an important metaphor for those of you (and sometimes even me) who literally run around taking care of everyone and everything except yourself. Yep, moms have been known to spread themselves out and stretch themselves too thin in the service of their husband, kids, work, and community. The balancing act is something probably all moms struggle to juggle because it is no small feat to carve out a life that balances the many things on our to-do list.
To ensure that we don’t burn out and start resenting people for all the sacrifices we’ve had to make for the sake of our families, it is essential to remember to put on that oxygen mask first! Setting time on a daily basis, even if it just for half an hour (only for mommy), eases the stress and takes the edge off of life’s pressures. In order to help others effectively, we always have to help ourselves first.
The other day, I had a rare glass of martini at 2pm. This barely happens. The last time I had one was Christmas Eve when my family was here for the holidays. In my very ordinary life full of kids, work, and errands, a glass of bubbly in the afternoon is BIG.
This happened during our mommy luncheon, and it was indeed a great day full of good food and nonstop laughter. These mommies are the girls I go to zumba with; a support network that knows how to boost each other up. Our friendly banter makes me forget about life’s complexities, even if only for a little while.
I always enjoy spending time with them because coming together spells nothing but good vibes. They make me feel like “the me before I had kids”. Imagine—laughing until our stomachs hurt, nonstop jokes, good natured teasing, and sharing of stories! It’s pure honest to goodness fun. Moreover, being around empowered women who value their health and wellbeing also reminds me that I need to take care of myself. They motivate me to exercise and be mindful of what I put in my mouth. No excuses. No mommy guilt. No feeling bad.
The thing about being a mom is that the Guilty Mom Syndrome just rears its ugly head at times. If you’re with your spouse, you can’t help but worry if the kids are doing fine. If you focus on your career, at the back of your head, you wonder if you’re neglecting the kids. If you don’t work and just focus on the kids, you feel bad that you’re not exploring your full potential and you’re letting your brain
cells decay. And so on...It’s just the way it is.
Moms seem to be wired to feel this way the moment pregnancy hormones kick in. We are just engulfed with this overwhelming sense of guilt (breast versus bottle, etc). It stems from this desire to give the best by doing everything perfectly right for our child, our flesh and blood. But there’s no such thing as perfect; so we crumble and turn into our own worst critic. In fact, lurking behind the smile of every child is a mother who wonders if she is doing it right and who prays to high heavens she doesn’t mess up.
Mess up...such big fearinducing words no mother ever wants for her children. And we only get this one chance with our children and no do-over! Hence, the pressure to be a good mother who does things well is very real and intense.
Being around these cool mommy friends show me that for this fear not to materialize and rear its ugly head, moms need to NOT neglect themselves. Just stop feeling guilty when we do things for ourselves. We deserve it! These get-togethers make me realize that I have a life apart from my mother role; that yes, I have a life too, you know. I matter! No one wants to be an after-thought.
Putting that oxygen mask first is definitely is not selfish, just as having fun and taking care of ourselves is also not being self-centered. In fact, doing this is self care, so we can be at our best self for all the other aspects of our lives. “Me Time” allows all of us moms to focus on ME...and that’s vital because without me, there is no we (our family). Real love is giving the world-especially family-what is the best of me, not just what is left of me!
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