Closure, you and I
Michelle: There is no forever, many say. But there are second chances or even a third or fourth chance at love. Dess had a relationship with Adam who was then her office mate. He was in another relationship and Dess was the third party. Adam eventually left her without closure. Months later Adam broke up with his girlfriend. He remains single and is already working in another bank. Call her crazy but Dess says she still loves him. And she’s asking what should she do? First, is not to do anything drastic like calling him and trying to get back with him just because he is single. If he does get back with her, it might be a case of rebound love. I suggest Dess ask herself why their relationship ended and why she agreed to be the third party before. She might just find the answer to her question on what she should do.
DJ: I was in a similar situation before many moons ago. I remember staring into space as I wandered around Chicago airport not realizing that Side A’s Tell Me had been looping on my playlist for around two hours straight. When we think we’ve been done wrong, it’s natural for us to seek a resolution. Regardless of how long the relationship lasted or the circumstances surrounding the separation, it is common for people to want to know why it happened. In my case, I was hoping for at least an apology. Well, I got hate mail instead. Why do people do that? It took me a year to eventually accept that it was beyond me. Yes, something crappy happened but you can’t give away your right to live just because someone who did you wrong refuses to acknowledge it. Decide to move forward.
M: It is difficult to speculate why things ended between Dess and Adam and since there was no closure, I do not think Adam would want to open another chapter with Dess when he did not even close their previous relationship and just left her. Things happen for a reason. And it is not wise to assume that just because her ex-boyfriend is now unattached and available, he is looking for love or ready to get into another relationship.
DJ: Knowing why Adam left or why he is still single is no longer as important as Dess making every effort to let go and move on with her life. It’s good that she’s acknowledging what she’s feeling instead of just getting back on the horse pretending she’s not hurt after she’s been knocked off. For her to finally release herself from such situation, I suggest that she talk it out with a neutral friend. It’s essential to have someone who will not tell her how she should feel or think but just to be present when she processes her experience out loud. She can also pursue a particular hobby. Keeping herself busy is not the same as distracting herself. What’s key is she’s regaining a clear sense of self. Understanding and pursuing what makes her “her” is a step closer to becoming the better version of herself.
M: Dess, don’t stress yourself with getting back with Adam just yet. You love him? Maybe. But maybe your love is not enough to sustain a relationship with him. If you are not yet friends since there was no closure, it might be better if you process your own closure about your relationship with him and maybe, you can move forward and have a better grasp of what you really feel for him.
DJ: Like experts often say, we can meteorically understand why a place was hit by a typhoon but never emotionally. People will never get a good and satisfactory answer why it destroyed their homes except that they were on its path. The same generally holds true with a closure talk with someone we think has wronged us but who is not making that move for us to understand why. If that person is playing a no closure game on us, it is best to decide not to join in. I understand the healing process takes time and it’s different for everyone. But ultimately, closure will have to come from within. I pray for the grace for Dess to finally be able to come up with her own conclusion, let go and move forward. I’m sure she has a lot more awesome years head of her and a lot of great people around her to hope for and to live for.