The one who loves you or the one you love?
Michelle: Mariah is curious which works better—going for the one who loves you or being with the one you love. To love and be loved is ideal but this is not always the case. I once was asked if I would stay with the one who loves me or go back to the one I love. Fortunately, I don’t have to answer that question because I am with the one who loves me and he is also the one I love— sometimes! Seriously, if you are in a situation of choosing between staying with the one who loves you (and who you probably don’t love anymore) or going back to the one you love (and who probably doesn’t love you anymore) it would be difficult to choose and I think it is better to not yet make a choice until you figure things out and the other person figures it out too!
DJ: The ideal answer is to be with someone you love who loves you. It’s supposed to be mutual. But in case one will have to choose, I’d say go for the one you love. It’s true that the person who holds power in the relationship is the one who is less interested or less invested. He or she is the least vulnerable to pain. But true love is not just about these. Sure, receiving can be fun but there really is more joy in giving.
M: In a perfect world, if you stay with the one you love, it’s because you love that person in return. And if you’re going back to the one you love, it’s because the other person feels the same way too. All things being equal, I would stay with the one who loves me. Women find it easier to learn to love the person who loves them already. The problem with going back to the one you still love is that they may no longer feel the same way about you. And your love might not be enough to win that person back because that person may have moved on and found another love or may not be willing to accept your love back. It happens that when you leave someone you love, they fear getting hurt again so they think twice about giving you a second chance.
DJ: It is tricky to be in a relationship for what you get instead of for what you give. While loving unconditionally is never free from pain, it often is the more fulfilling route. A lot of our frustrations really come from our expectations. If we give without expecting much, the easier things are for us. Committing to someone mainly because of what one can take from the relationship is hardly sustainable. Besides, there are only few things that people truly want in life and one of them is true love. That’s why I think it’s best to go for the one you love instead of settling for the one who loves you.
M: Time and again, we are reminded, there is no forever. It’s best to remember that all relationships cannot be forever. I think it is better if we think of now and hopefully forever will take care of itself. As I always believe, love is a decision and we have to decide every day for love to continue even if we don’t feel loving. All relationships have a temporary quality but we can decide and continue to act as if they are permanent. And if it lasts for a lifetime, one must be truly grateful because it is a blessing to love and be loved.
DJ: Well, a relationship can mean different things to different people. Just know what works for you and be true to what the other person deserves. We stand a better chance to hope, believe and endure all things when we’re with someone whose heart is like a home we will never want to leave.