The X or Why’s

Michelle: We have our to-do lists, plans, goals and aspirations. But despite all our planning and preparation, there’s something that’s bound to go wrong— or right. When something happens or does not happen according to what we planned or hoped, we may experience ambivalent emotions or what is sometimes called mixed emotions. There are and will be events in our lives which may have brought out or will bring out ambivalent feelings to the fore and we cannot help but be confused with all these emotions. DJ: It’s confusing to be confused. It’s like going through separation. While you know it’s for the best, there really are days when you miss the person you once dated. You begin to ask why you are missing someone who hurt you so much? It’s like being excited over a promotion while also feeling sad for leaving your current department. An emotion like this is real. I guess, one will just have to ride this feeling through instead of pushing it down. M: The extent to which we can embrace ambivalent emotions represents key determinants of resilience. A blessing can be a burden and a burden may actually turn out to be a blessing. It is normal to experience mixed emotions for something that others may be over the moon about. For example, the act of getting married. The bride might be excited but the groom is nervous, or vice-versa. But the truth is, it is sometimes difficult or even taboo for some to admit that they feel that way. We are all a bit scared of the unknown. DJ: There are ways of coping with mixed feelings. First is acceptance. We all feel that way sometimes. The least one can do to himself or herself is not to add more to the confusion by feeling bad about it. Acknowledging one’s feelings makes it at least easier to sort things through. Process what the feeling is about. It may sound convenient to just ignore what you feel but it’s normally better to have someone help you sort and express your thoughts and feelings. Doing it alone is also possible but it does not offer the warmth and support of having someone there for you. Pray. Prayer has a way of clearing our mind and heart for us to better understand what’s right within us. M: It also always helps to have an attitude of gratitude. And it is good to remember that nothing is constant except constant change. All things shall pass. DJ: Much of our stress is really because of our want for things and people to be different from what and who they are. But sometimes, they can just be beyond our control. While we can’t completely master how we feel, we have control over our action toward it.