Beauty and the Best
Michelle: Bok is tall and dark. Never handsome. He is not rich too. And he doesn’t carry a .22 caliber pistol. His girlfriend, Beauty, is a perennial pageant winner. He knows people talk and laugh behind their back. Bok says he is feeling insecure and it is affecting their relationship. Even if Bok says that he is not handsome, he must remember that there is something in him that attracted his beautiful girlfriend to him so that they are now a couple. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And as the narrator in the story Beauty and the Beast said when the prince shabbily treated the old witch who turned out to be a fairy, “She warned him not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within.”
DJ: It is uncommon for model arm candy to date someone seen to be out of their league. And it’s definitely not because he’s rich and she’s a gold digger. It’s mainly because beautiful and intelligent wom- en find interesting, talented and charismatic men more engaging than a poster boy with nothing much between his ears. And Bok’s girlfriend, most likely, falls under this type of beauty and brains.
M: Feelings of insecurity are normal. Of course, looks matter but so does character, and women don’t care as much about looks as men do. Attraction, for men, is very physical, and very visual. But for women, attraction is more complex because women are attracted to a man’s character and not just the physical appearance. Sure, we like the good looking guys with the broad shoulders and abs but we also want to know the personality behind the guy. Is he smart? Is he responsible and financially capable? Does he have a library in his castle?
DJ: It’s clear that Beauty values Bok for what he is and not for what people think he looks like. He has to believe in himself the way she has confidence in him. Perhaps, he’s got a good sense of humor which often makes a guy appear to be more intelligent. Or it might be because he’s passionate about something and knows how to express that passion in a clear and attractive manner. Some people say being a rockstar is life’s gift to ugly people. But the truth is, it’s really hard for women not to get caught up in a guy’s enthusiasm and be carried along with it.
M: One thing to remember, Bok, for women, attraction is the feeling of being desired, by a powerful man who she can trust. If you can hit those three things (power, desire, trust), you can make a woman attracted to you, even if you’re not that good-looking. If a man does not provide one of those things, a man is going to have a hard time creating attraction— even if he’s the hottest guy around. So, chill and continue to make Beauty happy by being your best self.
DJ: Looks fade over time. What matters then is a guy’s emotional strength and influence to keep the relationship going. In life and in love, there is always something more than meets the eye. That’s why it is wise to never judge a “Bok” by his cover.