It’s complicated

Michelle: Ronald is concerned that despite being in a six-month relationship with his pretty officemate to cure his being gay, it is still not working. He is still in love with his college best friend. He asks if he will be cured soon if he continues with his relationship. Asking if he will be cured is like saying that his being gay is a disease. It is not. If there is something wrong with Ronald, it is his being untrue to himself by denying what or who he is. And entering into a relationship with his female officemate so he could disprove that he is gay is definitely wrong. DJ: It’s unfortunate that Ronald entered into a relationship knowing that he’s got something that he needs to first resolve with himself. While avoidance of judgmental assaults from glass house dwellers could be his reason, getting into a relationship all in the name of “doing the right thing” and deceiving another person is just not a right thing to do. M: It must be difficult for Ronald to accept his being gay since he is still trying to cover up his sexual preference by having a girlfriend. But my question is, since he has admitted that he is gay, why is he trying to prove himself wrong? If he doesn’t want to be gay, is there something he can do about it other than ruining another person’s life by pretending to love her and have a committed relationship with her? He can remain unattached and not care about what people say about him or whisper behind his back. Why does he have to prove to others that he is straight? He cannot fix his problem if he creates another one and ends up hurting others. DJ: Trust makes a good foundation in every relationship. And it starts with one’s self, with being honest about and with each other. Now, if what Ronald and his girlfriend have is not built on it, it’s likely that it won’t survive the rocky trails. While love is the overar- ching reason to be with someone, honesty and truth serve as glue to every gap and differences. That’s why I suggest that he tell her that he needs space and then to use the time to figure out who he is and the life he’ll choose to live. M: Since Ronald is asking for a “cure,” I think the best cure for Ronald is to be in the light. If he stops pretending to be what he is not and accept what he is, he would have “cured” himself, for lack of a better term. I think Ronald feels unwell and is miserable about his situation. Who wouldn’t be if you are always pretending to be in love with a woman when you love to become a woman? Ronald, please do not prolong your agony and spare your girlfriend more pain. DJ: Honesty is a way of life, not just a behavior. Ronald should have learned that lesson by now more than ever. Thus, if he moves forward working on solutions, redefining his wants and expectations, and examining his values and goals, then he’ll gain more clarity about his path. Yes, he’s in a complicated situation. But he can make the most out of it to clarify what he wants and how he wants to live. Whatever happens, Ronald will get through this.