Whether, whether

Michelle: So, the woman says they’ve been dating for more than a year, share the same interests, feel very at ease with one another, discussed future plans and have even spent some of the holidays together. The relationship seemed right on track and then, without warning, he tells her he “needs some time to think and figure things out.” He stops calling, rarely returns her calls and when he does, they’re often met with silence on the other end of the line. When she asked him what happened, he gives several excuses including how busy he is and how much stress he’s in right now. Is this really the beginning of the end? DJ: She has got to move on. She can talk to him but if he doesn’t seem to be responding, I suggest that she take time off herself, be still and get more real with her assessment of their situation. She might even have to seek a second opinion from a person who knows her or better yet, both of them. Then she can make a decision on whether to stay or leave. Easier said than done. I hope she can make the most of her time on things that can work out rather than on things that can’t and will not work. We live in a world where we have no choice but to make a choice. M: What if the relationship wasn’t what she thought it was? What if there were signs she chose to ignore or just didn’t see? Maybe she assumed too much. A sudden change in a couple’s relationship is common. Sometimes there’s no closure because the couple is never able or willing to talk through what went wrong or was never right with their relationship. The person who has been dumped is left with feelings of low self- esteem, regret, inadequacy and anger. How can she know what the problem was and hope to avoid a repeat of another heartbreaking experience? DJ: By examining her current relationship to gain insight and understanding about what wasn’t right between the two of them. I personally believe we always have an inkling that a relationship can’t work right from the start. We just sometimes think true love conquers all. The problem is, is it really true love? And even if it is true love, there are no guarantees of forever. M: Relationships have stages and couples must pass through these together in order to get to the level of shared commitment. As with life, it has stages that have to develop over a period of time. Sometimes we’re just too in a hurry that we stumble and fall. We have to learn to get up and move on. DJ: People say that life circumstances account for only 10 percent of happiness. The other 90 percent depends on what one does to make one’s self happy. This is true in life and in love. Life belongs to those who choose to live it consciously whether they like it or not.