The monster within

Chaos. That is my state of mind as the portion that refuses to believe all these are happening is clashing with the portion of the mind that is so angry at how some people are running roughshod over the situation, you’d think they want the whole Philippines to be attacked by terrorists.

The sad fact is that, those people are fellow journalists and friends. Since when had we given up our patriotism to be the wolves out for the grandeur of being the ones to first break the news that terrorists have arrived in the national capital?

I cringe, and bile rises up my mouth in distaste. The self-imposed importance of the profession seems to be more important than what will happen to the country and the Filipinos, and that is a very sad state to be in.

I’m sure there will be those who will rant against me, go ahead. I’d rather keep my community alive and well than play your part of destroying for the sake of your version of the truth.

Sadder still is the fact that former comrades have imbibed a similar potion that has removed them from the call to serve the masses, to destroy what is even if the masses suffer as the consequence.

Since when have we become like this? How long have we masked the inhumane in us? This could not have grown overnight, this could not have been imported just a few months back. This has been there, but made to sit quietly in a corner, because that was what the past was very good at--keeping things quiet, making sure no one rocks the boat.

I browse through my list of friends and see the faces of former comrades, bitter and stuck in the past that has long gone. Stuck in blaming the Marcos dictatorship for everything.

I’m not a Marcos fan either. He will forever be the tyrant that he was and his junior may have never shown the tyranny his father is known for, but he’s not brilliant either. His wealth pours over to his aura, and because I know where the wealth came from and how it reached them, the aura holds no appeal. So, no. I’m not a fan as well.

But realize this. Marcos stayed in power from 1965 to 1986, a good 21 years, 14 of which saw human rights abuses of what could be unimaginable scale. But, you’ve had the power since 1986 and the abuses may not be of that grand a scale, but they remained. The military were still butt-stroking suspects, the police were still fond of making suspects confess sins they’ve never committed.

For 30 years, you never did anything to change all these. What we got were slogans of reforms, but there wasn’t much we could see. Even the last, the daang matuwid, never ever saw a straight path.

Looking back, it was a good round number started by the mother and ended by the son. A good 30 years spent doing nothing but fan the flames of the 21 years before that, and nothing else.

I browse through photos of hundreds of evacuees, look at their faces, the sadness, the fear. I see their young and old alike, and can only shake my head in despair. What have we allowed ourselves to become? As terrorists who are not above killing those who cannot recite their prayer strike fear into the hearts of the country’s Islamic City, we paint pictures of more terrorists in our midst as if the situation is one big joke. Again, I curse.