Desperate moments

For some time now, I’ve been watching TCM movies and I was able to watch the entire movie The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Quasimodo, the hero for some moments, allowed me to lose myself in his problem. He was so in love with Esmeralda.

I was watching it from a hospital bed and, of course, I wasn’t mobile. I feel cheated since the movies are beautiful but I can’t afford to watch TCM as often as I would want to because of the pain.

I know one day my Lord will solve my problem but until he does so many people are praying for me. I’ve also been praying but as my priest friends tell me, God wants you to be totally dependent on Him. Trust God for the right time.

My caretakers are so afraid of bedsores so I am like a roasted pig that has to be turned over every two hours.

My room is full of medicine and hospital equipment. You name it, and my children have bought them for me. Every Thursday, my daughter in San Diego joins me for lunch via video chat. With so many people praying for me, I cannot possibly lose. God is allowing me to have new skin for about one year now.

My column, however, is religiously encoded by my caretaker Bernadette, who allows me to write in long hand and then I edit the finished result. My Father confessor keeps telling me to recognize my desperate moments and to be totally dependent on an all-loving God.

Finding joy in pain can be done but it’s not easy. My daughters and friends are all putting in a lot of prayers for me. I am able to see my two daughters in Cebu and, using Viber, daughters outside Cebu are also able to communicate with me.

I often ask my caregiver to use the internet so I can talk to my daughters in the U.S. We all have desperate moments. Your desperate moments may be greater than mine.

So many people in hospitals have greater financial problems and greater desperate moments. Isolation, loneliness and confinement are difficult to handle.

My wound carer always encourages me to pray. She even tells me she includes her prayers with mine.

I have one daughter who has been going to daily mass in Manila asking the Lord to take care of me. Hopefully, I’m trusting in God to allow me to depend on him completely and wait for the time when solace, peace and joy will come my way. I too have complete trust in my doctors whose care for me is a gift from God.