Merry to marry Marie?

Michelle: Joseph, 24, has a girlfriend named Marie who is 30. They have now been together for a year. They both work in a bank and have a stable relationship. But he doesn’t see himself marrying until he is 27 or even 30 because he is supporting his sister who is on her second year in college. Also, he still wants to enjoy being single. But Marie is not getting any younger. And he is feeling the pressure. What’s a guy like him to do? DJ: Sounds like a case of having the right love at a wrong time. Joseph has responsibilities with his sister’s education. And if he’s been doing this for a time, it is understandable if he wants to enjoy things first before embarking on another bond. But how deep and how wide really is their love for one another? M: I think that any guy in a serious committed rela- tionship should expect that his girlfriend would want them to get married. If the guy has no plans or if he does but not in the next five to 10 years, he should be upfront and tell his girlfriend. Making someone hope when there is nothing to hope for is cruel. On the other hand, there are some women who plan ahead even when they have not yet talked about the M word. This leads to misunderstandings. So the best thing to do is to constantly communicate and tell the truth. DJ: It’s better if Joseph has someone whose view he trusts so he or she can help him discern. And after he has at least the basic grip of the situation, it helps if he brings the subject up with Marie. An open and honest communication is key to every relationship. Pushing the relationship toward any direction might still cause it to fall apart if both of them are not fully on board. Whatever their decision—continue, give it some time or walk away—at least she was part of the process and the de- cision is mutual. M: I understand that a guy at 24 would want to enjoy single life to the fullest. In fact, I would encourage all singles not to hurry to get married. However, I would also understand that there are those who are in a hurry to move forward. As the saying goes time and tide wait for no man... or woman! DJ: What Joseph and Marie have is a partnership. The willingness to work and together find the happy middle between giving and receiving is essential. It’s a tricky situation but who knows, they might find out that this potentially deep depressing valley ahead may be nothing more than potholes once they approach it together. No one is really trained on how to have a perfect relationship. And this case is a good place to start whatever that means. Whether it’s a start of a new beginning or a start of an end, at least they are both in it together.