Made for honor

Michelle: Janice’s boyfriend left her for her best friend three years ago. Everyone has healed except her. Her ex-bf (boyfriend) and exbf (best friend) are now engaged to be married and they want her to be the maid of honor. Should she accept? I think Janice knows the answer to her question. She just wants someone else to validate it for her. Her best friend should be more sensitive to Janice’s feelings. DJ: I think feelings are not chosen. Behaviors are. Thus, it is not for me to over analyze why Janice is still feeling that way even if it’s been three years and everyone’s moved on except her. I would have wished her ex-boyfriend and friend exercised better judgement and sensitivity. But why they acted that way is also not within her control. But she can decide the action she should take. The choice to be the Maid of Honor is hers to make. M: I think women have it harder than men after a breakup. Some get into depression. How do you actually move on after your heart has been broken into a thousand pieces? Three years or more in Janice’s case but she has got to come to terms with the reality that her boyfriend left her for her best friend. It is all right to be broken-hearted but it is not right to stay broken-hearted. I know it doesn’t help that ex-bf and ex-bf are even planning on getting her to be maid of honor. She can decline, you know. DJ: She’s been scarred and it’s understandable. We can’t quantify or compare emotional pain. What I hope is she’ll be able to move forward so she can fully live the rest of her life which I’m sure will be way happier than the state she’s in today. How? By trying to stay in the present. Regardless of the could haves or the should haves, the relationship has already ended. Today is a good time to muster all her courage and strength to let go and make room for something better. Start small. I suggest she should not think about the totality of the rest of the days. Just focus on the now and allow herself to have her peace. Eventually, these nows will add up into days, weeks and years. M: On the other hand, maybe Janice should also explore the possibility of saying yes and being the maid of honor. The experience might just give her the needed closure and mend her heartbreak. After that, she can focus on healing and becoming whole again. She can also focus on having other people into her life. When you get out of your comfort zone, you not only challenge yourself but discover a lot of things about yourself. Janice, there is a purpose to our pain and we have to go through it and not just over it. Ultimately, you have to decide whether or not to become their maid of honor. DJ: If the whole thing is too much for her, she should spare herself from feeling more hurt. She can say no. Now if she thinks she’s strong enough to seize this as an opportunity to exercise mind over feelings, she can say yes. Just like everyone else, she deserves to be happy. She deserves peace.