To tell or not to tell

Michelle: There is a saying that “once is enough for a wise man.” This is not applicable to Gino who had a one-night stand with his girlfriend’s friend while on an out- of-town conference. He is guilty and awkward every time they’re in a party and all three of them are in attendance. What is he to do? DJ: There really is no ideal solution to his dilemma. It’s good to come clean but it can also lead to more problems than it will solve. What’s the probability of his partner in crime not putting this in the front page or in the gossip section? If he comes clean before getting caught, it’s much more likely for his girlfriend to try to work things out with him than if she finds out from other sources. M: There are also sayings: “What you don’t know won’t hurt you,” “Ignorance is bliss.” But in Gino’s case, he knows that what he did will hurt his girlfriend and I believe, the knowledge of what he did is hurting him too. Why else would he feel guilty about what happened? Maybe he is suffering from the fear of being found out but maybe not really sorry that he did it. And since it happened once, there is no guarantee that it will not happen again. Keeping something in the dark sometimes makes one continue to wallow in the dark but putting it out into the light will illumine the mind and hopefully bring about a change of heart. DJ: Is Gino truly sorry? Has he learned his lesson? If he answers yes to all these questions and if the probability is low that his girlfriend will eventually learn about it, he can consider keeping his mouth shut. And every time he feels guilty about what happened, he can mentally note the reasons why he will never do anything to hurt her again. M: I also think Gino’s focus should not just be on the guilt of having a one-night stand but why it happened in the first place. There might be some issues between him and his girlfriend that they have not resolved. Or maybe it’s just purely a case of giving in to temptation or lust. If his is a case of regretting having sex with his girlfriend’s friend and he doesn’t want anything else between them, telling his girlfriend’s friend faceto- face may be appropriate. She might expect something more from him after what happened between them. But I think it’s more important that Gino deal with what’s going on in his relationship with his girlfriend. If he has no plans of taking it to the next level, he might as well tell his girlfriend so she won’t end up being asked to be maid of honor instead of being the bride. DJ: Good intentions, unfortunately, do not always bring out good outcomes. But bad intentions often bring about the worst. I hope the options we shared were helpful to Gino. The higher choice here, though, is for him to shun doing things that can hurt those he loves and to devote the rest of his life to keeping things honest. After all, the glue that holds a healthy and long-lasting relationship is trust.