Final plans

Not all countries mark All Saints’ and All Souls’ Day as elaborately as we do. In majority of countries, it isn’t even a public holiday. What happens in the Philippines combines a religious belief in the promise of an afterlife with a fondness for family gatherings, and what results is a subdued kind of fiesta. Many who visit the cemeteries bring, along with flowers and candles, their tents, plastic chairs, and enough food for themselves and relatives who may drop by during the day. Families from cultures that practice ancestor veneration go the extra mile, offering incense sticks and food on their loved ones’ graves.

More rigorous Catholics distinguish between All Saints’ Day, when the prayers are supposed to be for souls that have ascended to heaven, and All Souls’ Day, when the prayers are for those who need a little push to get there. Most have chosen to be flexible, timing their visits for when the crowds are leanest. Either way, the attention we devote to these rituals of remembrance and reunion is remarkable.

Yet perhaps it is also this combination of belief and kinship that keeps many Filipinos from planning for the end. We have gained a few more years in our favor, with life expectancy among Filipinos stretching from 65.8 years in 1993 to 67.04 years in 2003 and 68.13 years in 2013. But death comes for all of us, whether we have planned for it or set all talk of it aside.

Anyone who has cared for a terminally ill parent or grandparent can tell us how heartbreaking end-of-life decisions can be. For example, how long should we keep a dying patient on life support? If we have no way of knowing our loved one’s wishes, how do we choose whether or not to sign a DNR (do not resuscitate) or AND (allow natural death) form to guide their doctors and nurses? The National Institute on Aging of the US Department of Health and Services has issued a detailed checklist meant to help families decide for a loved one who can no longer choose for himself or herself.

We can, of course, keep such a fraught situation from happening. We can anticipate and prepare for end-of-life decisions on matters both practical and religious, like dealing with burial expenses, dividing property, or leaving instructions for religious services after we’re gone. It will take a clear-eyed sort of courage, but it will also spare our survivors from more pain than they need deal with.