Cracking Under Pressure
Michelle: This is about Jimmy, the eldest of five and the breadwinner, whose father is in the hospital. He feels down and burdened by his responsibilities to the family. He does not want to burden his family with his burden. How can he cope? First, it is important for Jimmy to remember that sharing to his mother and siblings what he feels will actually ease the weight on his shoulders and enable him to carry on with his responsibilities. If he keeps it to himself, sooner or later, resentment will build up and maybe even lead to anger which can even make him sick. Jimmy should take care of his emotional health and well-being. DJ: Family burden is a term coined for people like Jimmy who are challenged with sickness in the family, particularly if it’s long-term in nature. If we consider the emotional toll he’s going through having a sick loved one, plus his caregiving and financial responsibilities like utility bills and providing for the family’s needs, it’s not surprising for him to feel the weight on his shoulders. This is tough and managing it starts with being honest with himself about how he feels about his situation instead of pushing the emotion down. Accepting this feeling keeps resentments from building up. M: It is understandable that Jimmy feels down about the situation. Taking care not just of oneself but other people’s needs, may it be financial, emotional, physical, or psychological, can take a toll. For me, it really helps to have prayer time where I can lift all my worries and burdens to God. I perfectly understand what Jimmy feels about not wanting to burden his family. That is why it is important to take the time to discern and pray about anything that bothers us and to find someone who we can talk to, not necessarily to unload our problems but just to be able to have them listen so they can also give us guidance, wisdom and support. DJ: Writing his parents a letter without showing it to them sounds like a good place to start. He then writes a response to himself from their point of view. It’s a lengthy and cheesy process but a good way to look at the family’s situation from his parents’ perspective. Then he takes it from there. He’s the sole breadwinner and he can’t work himself to death or succumb to human limitations like sickness or fatigue. Communication is key. They can plan a concrete roadmap on how and when a breather is coming once other family members go for other alternatives like scholarship, part-time or home-based work. As children, we learned the importance of not killing the goose that lays the golden egg. While they are all in a bind, the solution doesn’t always have to come from him. M: Our burdens, may it be heavy or light, are part of life’s tests. We can pass or fail them depending on our response. If you feel you can solve it or do it yourself, that is fine. But there are times that we have to seek the help of others and especially the help of God. Do not be afraid to ask for help. Have faith and believe that all will be well if you trust in the goodness of our Lord and in the power of love of family and friends. DJ: For Jimmy not to be overwhelmed, he can focus only on what he’s able to pro- vide. It’s normal to feel guilty but like everyone else, he’s also got his limits. I suggest that he continue to nurture social ties, develop a support network like a church community for example. At times, he doesn’t really need advice. He only needs to be heard. It matters as well that he continue to live his life and do what he loves doing like exercising or playing a sport. As long as he’s doing his best, leaving something for himself is not about being selfish. While Jimmy needs to take care of the family, he also has to take care of himself. And he needs it as much as they need him.