Orgy, anyone?
M: Celine is a college professor in one of the medical schools in Cebu. Tristan, her boyfriend of six months, is a successful sales executive. He wants that they participate in an orgy. She doesn’t want to. And it’s been putting a strain on the relationship for more than a month now. Should she give in? I am tempted to say “hell, no!” but wait... there’s more. I am more inclined to tell Celine to decide not only on whether or not she will join an orgy with her boyfriend of six months but also whether or not she will still continue with their relationship. Maybe it will be more liberating for her to decide on the totality of their relationship rather than on the aspect of sexual compatibility.
DJ : An orgy is said to be a party where strangers openly engage in unrestrained sexual activity. Celine is obviously not comfortable with this. My suggestion? Don’t. Two people in a relationship are equals. Each partner is free to make his or her own choices and to feel safe to make shared decisions. It is about Celine secure to be Celine, to be loved for who she is and not be forced to do something just because Tristan wants it. The same holds true for Tristan. Both need to be free to hold one’s self to his or her own standards and not be too anxious about what the other thinks. Both must also honor each other’s boundaries. They are important for a healthy and lasting relationship. M:
There is no question that sexual intimacy is important in a relationship. I heard a funny but wise relationship advice that says, “If you can’t talk, touch.” There are many languages of love and showing affection through physical intimacy affirms one’s love for another person. But to me, it doesn’t equate to lack of love or trust if a person will not experiment with or join his or her partner’s sexual preferences or fetishes. So if you are not comfortable with having a threesome, tell your boyfriend. And if he forces you, then that’s a real deal breaker. And if he likes to have an orgy, you can decide whether to accept that and still have your relationship. Ultimately, if you know your essentials, you will be guided on what is right for you.
DJ : We have to remember that even what looks like a perfectly matched couple are made of two unique individuals to begin with. Conflicts are inevitable. How they’re managed, both as individuals and as a couple, matters more than the disparities. Now it appears like they have opposing views on orgies and it’s putting a strain on the relationship. Essentials are deep-seated and central. They can make or break a relationship. While differences do spice things up, can Tristan and Celine still achieve equilibrium and move forward together? Because if it’s a recurring issue that never gets resolved, if it’s making them both unhappy and dissatisfied, why complicate life by being with someone who is fundamentally different?
M: It is difficult to judge a person for what he or she likes or dislikes. We all have our preferences. But one always has a choice and I believe our choices, should be respected. Celine, if your boyfriend will respect your choice not to join him in a menage a trois and you will still be okay that he joins an orgy without you, is for both of you to decide. If you don’t like it, don’t do it. As to whether or not your relationship will progress with your decision is something that will unravel based on your decision. For me, our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit and we should take care of them. But more than taking care of our physical bodies, it is also important to take care of our spirits so we can say that we are truly joyful in life and love.
DJ : For Tristan and Celine to be in a journey together, they ought to be going in the same direction. I suggest that they both be clear and honest about what they are willing and able to accept, then take it from there.