Johnny, bravo!
M:
We have a reader named Johnny who is asking for dating tips. He has not been dating for almost 20 years. Neither have I! Seriously, the first dating tip that I can give Johnny is: You don’t have to date. Society abides by a timeline that expects that singles be married at a certain age, and when you’ve gotten married, expect you to have a child and when you have one, ask when you’ll have another. So Johnny, ask yourself why you want to date. Is it because you feel you have to because all your friends are getting engaged or married? Or is it because you feel that you’re ready to get into a serious relationship with the woman who has the essentials and preferences that you have in mind?
DJ:
For once again putting himself back to the dating scene after almost 20 years, I’ll have to say, “Bravo!” And feeling a little fidgety is but normal. A lot of us do need some help in meeting Miss Right. But I assume he’s learned enough lessons to be Mr. Right. Why? Because the rule of thumb remains: be yourself. While regular bathing, brushing of teeth and mental and emotional stability sound like minimal requirements, perfection is not. And being himself is a good place to start. Showing just his best foot is hard to sustain over time. Of course, that doesn’t mean he’ll have to throw etiquette to the wind. M:
Dating is good as it allows you to meet people that you might have something in common and develop a relationship with. It’s fun. And I agree that it’s so exhausting if you’re always putting your best foot forward to try to attract or score a second date with your date. But if you haven’t dated in a while, it doesn’t mean that you’re missing out on life. Dating someone does not make a dull life vibrant and it is not the answer to one’s existential anguish. And the dating advice that says that you always have to look your best, to be prepared with good conversation starters and ice breakers to pique another’s interest in you is frankly superficial.
DJ:
It helps if he also stays within the range of topics that are light and easy. People these days can become so intense with politics. Using the color of one’s biases as an ice breaker can nip a relationship in the bud. Stay clear of topics about exes, too. Play it by ear. Johnny can start by asking her about her interests, spot what they have in common and start from there. He can also come prepared by doing his homework. There’s a lot of data to mine from her social media accounts. But he’s got to be genuine in making such connection. Besides, people date to assess their suitability to live together moving forward—for better, worse, richer, poorer, sickness and in health. It’s best that they stay honest and true to their core. M:
Not dating doesn’t mean you will be single forever. Many serial daters are still single. Some never settle down. You can discover happiness and joy in many ways and moments with family and friends. Let’s not be suckered in the lie that we won’t be “complete” without someone else. Date someone when you want to date them, not when you just want to date. Enjoy it when you do it, and until then, enjoy it when you aren’t dating yet or if you don’t date.
DJ:
I know of couples who met while standing in line at Seven Eleven, at Jollibee or while in a carpool. There’s a world out there. Love can happen anytime, anywhere. Johnny will just have to go out, be confident about who he is and keep his heart, mind… even options open!