Some grand loving

Most grandparents, though retired, end up becoming babysitters to their grandchildren. That seems to be the role of grayhaired women in our country as part of an extended family. There is an apparent deeper bonding between grandparents and grandchildren since the former tend to be more tolerant. In fact, the common complaint is that we pamper the little ones. However, the pampering comes with a responsibility.

“Grandma,” “Mamita,” “Lola,” “Mamang”—whatever she is called—a grandparent has to bear in mind that she is there to assist the parents with the nurturing and rearing of their children to be good individuals. Getting lost in translation sometimes happens when children text to communicate with the grandparent.

We cannot discount the fact that grandmas come from the so-called “old-school” when being prim and proper is expected at all times. As a disciplinarian, I have that problem with my own grandchildren. Table manners have to include no gadgets while dining. Bedtime is at nine.

There are times when we want to ask: “Why do you do what you do?” as we try to acquaint ourselves with the new generation. Actually, Bobb Biehl wrote a book bearing the title asking the same question in order to help people understand behavioral patterns, thus bridging the gap between generations.

While Biehl acknowledges the unique position of grandparents in the lives of grandchildren, the

author suggests steps to take from a slightly different relationship.

“Love each grandchild unconditionally. Look for the way in which each grandchild feels special. Notice the individuality of each grandchild. Appreciate what they do right. Create a sense of security. Respect each grandchild as a person. Help your grandchildren with their social adjustments. Teach your grandchildren the values you want them to carry through adulthood—both by your words and your modeling,” Biehl suggested.

Then he added three additional steps: “To prevent damage to your grandchildren, resolve any problem with their parents. You may have more time to invest in your grandchildren. You can use some of these times and call it ‘break times’ for your children when their patience is wearing very thin with the grandchildren. Be a cheerleader for all of the things your children do right with your grandchildren.”

The dogma that grandparents love their grandchildren more than they love their children may be due to the fact that the challenges of motherhood are no longer present.