Beyond blame, beyond the person
My friend Deng had a valid observation about how Myanmar, our Asian neighbor, focuses on roles and not personalities in their newscasts.
A long-time television executive on a vacation in Yangon, Deng noted that in Myanmar’s newscast, the title is in bold letters while the names are smaller.
Example: the word Prime Minister is in big bold letters at the bottom left while below it is the name in smaller letters. To the regular viewer, it’s just a caption. To the more observant, it says a lot about the consciousness of the people behind the newscast.
The name isn’t as important as the title. If in the Philippines, it’s not Rodrigo R. Duterte or Benigno Simeon C. Aquino III. It’s the President of the Philippines. This brings us to how we view the world around us.
There is this penchant to focus on the person and not on the job, such that the discourse would always lead to character assassination. It’s not the job that was botched; it is because President Duterte has such a big nose and a dirty mouth. Never mind everything good that is happening around us, for as long as Duterte’s nose is big, he can never do good.
It’s the same in most work places. When a problem crops up, it’s always a discussion of how this person botched the job and who else had a part in botching the job. To lead the discussion on the problem and solutions and not on the person is a conscious act that needs this constant reminder: Focus on the problem, the process, and the solution, please, not on the person.
Blaming is common at work such that it is regarded as a culture that holds a company back and illustrates the general health of the company. At the bottom of blaming is a refusal to take responsibility, and a company where the norm is refusing to take responsibility is a company that is headed for the pits.
In his book, “Beyond Blame: Freeing Yourself from the Most Toxic Form of Emotional Bullsh*t”, psychologist Carl Alasko, Ph.D. wrote that in working with his clients in therapy and processing their anger against loved ones, one thing stands out: no one intends to deliberately hurt another person through criticism, punishment, and accusation.
“Everyone has a justification for their actions,” he wrote, and most of the time it is in reaction to being blamed or having been offended...When they feel attacked, their goodwill vanishes like dew in the desert.”
What’s the recourse? Shift focus. When addressing a problem, do not look at the person, see the act and the error and consider how to repair it. When expressing a need or emotion, do not use criticism or accusation.
Yes. It’s tough. It helps if we see beyond the person and look at the problem squarely with the intention to find lasting solutions.--from SunStar Davao