Kuya breadwinner

M: Gino is the family breadwinner. He is sending four of his siblings to school. One already graduated but doesn’t have a stable income as a freelance graphic artist. The second one just graduated. Gino is already 38 and wants to pursue his own dream, and that is to travel while he is still young. But he feels guilty as he still is the family’s breadwinner. He’s torn between himself and his family. Gino, I admire you because you put your family first above yourself. But you cannot always put other people’s needs ahead of yours. Give yourself a break. Don’t feel guilty about it. Let your other siblings do their part, too. Remember, you have to love yourself first. You cannot give what you do not have. If you keep on putting yourself last, you might resent those whom you put ahead of yourself.

DJ: When we love, we tend to prioritize another person’s needs. Even wants. It’s natural to want to make our loved ones happy.

But loving others doesn’t mean Gino should not love himself, too. In fact, when he cultivates love for himself by taking care of his needs and wants, he’ll be able to love his family from a place of abundance. He’ll be an even cheerful giver. Besides, he’s not getting any younger. Time for his younger siblings to pay things forward, too.

M: Gino, after all that is said and done, your family cannot ask you to sacrifice yourself for their sake. Yes, love is sacrificing for one another but your siblings have to learn to sacrifice for themselves and for one another, including for you. I agree with DJ. You’ve done your part. Let them do theirs. Now is the time to enjoy the fruit of your labors while your siblings also put in their labor to help the younger siblings. Your parents should not also expect you to carry the burden for everyone. By teaching them to be independent, you are not tearing them down but bringing them up.

DJ: His family loves him too. They also want to see him not only healthy but also happy. I suggest for Gino to tell them how he’s feeling, his plans and then set a transition period. It doesn’t have to be abrupt. He can still share with the expenses, but his two siblings will have to step up. As the wise often say, loving others not only mean feeding them with fish. Teaching them how to catch fish is even more lasting and sustainable.

M: As with our choices in life, we have the best of intentions but sometimes what we think is good for us is not beneficial to others. And what we think is beneficial to them may not be helpful in the long run. Eventually, we have to grow out of where we are placed. Just as flowers bloom where they are planted, sometimes, there has to be some uprooting to make more space for more flowers to grow. We can choose for ourselves but we have to let others make the choices for themselves. Just like the upcoming election day. You can choose someone who you think is beneficial for your community. For sure, not everyone will share your opinion because they, too, have an opinion as to who they believe is more capable or even more beneficial for them.

DJ: Hmm. Not sure how the election got into the picture, Mic. Anyhow, the best way we can do for our loved one is to love ourselves. This isn’t selfishness. Taking care of ourselves is the pathway to fulfillment, for us to be our best in work and in life. It is in fact a gift to others. When we are half-full, it’s harder to give. But things flow easily when they come from a cup that’s full, from a space of abundance. And that can mean saying no or not now.