Barely legal
Michelle:and
Renan is 19
is with his first girlfriend. Christmas is fast approaching and he wants to make his first base in time for the occasion. But he wants to be good at “it” first. Any tips? I have no tips except to tell Renan that he should wait for the right time to do “it” with his girlfriend. I am assuming that the girlfriend is also 19. But if she is a minor, with more reason will I advise Renan to not even think about “it” or else he will not be asking for tips on to do “it” but for legal advice on how to get out of it. Assuming she is not a minor, I suggest it is better they spend their Christmas with their families, getting to know each other and their families to make the occasion more meaningful and special. Having sex on Christmas or in the days leading to it will not make the season lovelier or brighter. In fact, it might cast a dark cloud after feelings of guilt or remorse occur. And inevitably it does, especially if one is still young and not ready to face the possible consequences.
DJ:
It’s quite natural of Renan to be eager to pop the cherry before even thinking about popping the question. And I don’t mean to pop his thought bubble. But still, I’d like remind him that while it’s quite normal to have such thoughts, it’s better if he first works on the fundamentals. And when I say fundamentals, I’m not referring to prowess or desired position. I am actually talking about building a good foundation in the relationship. Sex is an expression of love. Thus, if his focus is to grow himself how to love her better, and how they both can grow on loving each other fully, the expression will just follow. M:
Why does Renan, 19, want to be good at “it” first? Does it mean that practice makes perfect? If that is the case, his first girlfriend would be his first practice because for sure they will practice again and again. And let’s face it, at his age, his first girlfriend might not be his last. So for the guy, it’s experience that will probably make him a better lover. But for the girl, it might somehow lead others to see her in a bad light which is unfair. A man is macho if he has more lovers while a woman is a slut. At this day and age where young people record and post everything online, it is better to think things through before doing it. Is it really for love or just hormones?
DJ:
Sex is a give and take. It is also about being sensitive of
the other person’s need, not just yours. It is a dance Renan and his young girlfriend both have to do, not a skill or competence to just hone. If we look closely at these principles, it’s actually about loving each other. A good relationship has some form of economics, too. There’s got to be a balance between supply and demand. One should not take more than what one is willing and able to give. One also needs to be attentive to what the other needs. It is a partnership. Both should benefit from it. And they’re becoming more; They’re being more because they’re no longer one but two. Now reading from what I just wrote, I’m actually talking about meaningful relationships. But don’t you think it’s also what good sex is about? Young man, work on the fundamentals of loving each other fully first. Don’t take the shortcut. It is a process. And things that matter takes time.
M:
I may sound like a prude because I’m a “tita” for the millennial but a word from the wise: Don’t get into something
that you are not ready and prepared for. Renan, you are just thinking of the pleasure that love brings. But have you thought about your responsibilities and your readiness in case “it” happens and “it” bears fruit? Christmas is a time for giving. You don’t have to give yourself literally to prove your love. In fact, you don’t even have to be good at “it” if you really love each other. Wait. And I do not mean to do “it” after the New Year. When you’re both ready— not just physically but also mentally, financially—you don’t even have to practice or ask for tips on how to do “it.” It will be right when it’s all right.
DJ:
I admit I’m amused by his question and how he relates it to Christmas. We’ll, we’re all young once and it’s understandable. But Renan, I suggest that you shift your focus on what to do to make the season more meaningful for her, now that she has you in her life. That’s what a good relationship is about. And eventually when the time is right, that’s what good sex is about.