Torn between two women

@PAOLO:

My girlfriend of four and a half years is leaving for the United Kingdom in a few weeks. She’s a nurse. That’s always the plan. But I don’t see myself leaving the country. I’m thriving as a SW engineer. We’re a closely knit family. Already established in the country. To be honest, I also met someone at work. We’re getting to know each other. No dates because these were just in the office. Should I pursue this new lady, considering that it’s unlikely for me and my girlfriend to be together in the future. I love her. We’ve been through a lot and survived as a team. That’s why both our dreams are now coming true. I just want to be more pragmatic.

DJ:

I frankly had second thoughts when I saw your name. This is an alias I believe. A strange one. Makes me want to ask how’s Yen? Yen Constantino. On a more serious note, it looks like you’re not only thinking about someone who is leaving but someone who is just nearby. Are you torn between these two women?

You know that cheating is about being in an emotional relationship with someone else without your girlfriend’s consent, right? It doesn’t matter if it’s in the office or in Sugbo Mercado. Dude, what you’re doing can only make things even more complex. Why not spend more time and do some serious thinking instead? If you are losing your heart just for appearance, think again. Who brings out the best in you? Who values your opinion and whose opinion do you value? Who appreciates your efforts and is happy about your success?

You and this new girl may just be in a honeymoon phase, while you and your girlfriend are already at that stage where real life is already seeping in. You’ve been through a lot together, survived as a team and now, both of your dreams are now coming true! This to me sounds way deeper than having a giddy smile on your face every time someone calls or texts you. Besides, if this officemate still makes you sappy and weak on the knees, it’s also possible that it’s easier to overlook all those flaws while you’ve already seen the best of your girlfriend. Which one weighs more? My take? True love begins once the honeymoon phase ends. I suggest you factor that in.

Why the hurry? I understand if you’re taking the future into account. But don’t you think that maybe, you’re also thinking way too far ahead? Relax. The only thing I would caution you not to do at this point is to lie – to your girlfriend, to your officemate and yourself. You are assessing the situation and eventually making a choice not just because you’re avoiding someone getting hurt. This can only make you weak and indecisive. Being a good person is not just about

pleasing people. It is also about making hard choices and facing the repercussions of those choices.

I do think your current relationship is too precious to be given up just like that. I suggest that you be faithful to her and take more time to analyze the situation. It appears to me that you have a grown-up relationship that has the potential to go the distance. Sure, you have no plans to go abroad. But should things turn sour in the middle, at least you can say that you’ve tried. If you cut it off now, won’t you be wondering too what could have been if you at least gave it your all?

Why not make the last weeks of her with you so memorable that she and you both can cherish? Live for the days while she is still here. For now, I don’t suggest that you dwell too much on the fact that she’s moving. Enjoy every moment. Be supportive and remember, she’s the one whose life is changing substantially. She has to get acclimated to a new country, a new job and is going to miss you as much as you will miss her. Give her time to remember fondly. LDR has its set of challenges but loving is not only about being together all the time. It’s about choosing each other for better or worse. There is always a solution if staying together is what both of you want. One day at a time. All the best!