The Fumblerules of Writing

In 1979, New York Times columnist, William Safire, compiled a list of rules for good writing. The catch was that each rule was written in a way that violated itself, and this made for a very catchy and memorable sentences, which were later coined as “fumblerules.” Safire would later go on to write a compilation of these in the book Fumblerules: A Lighthearted Guide to Grammar and Good Usage.

Here are some of my favorites:

1) Don’t use no double negatives.

2) Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.

3) Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read. 4) Verbs has to agree with their subjects. 5) Avoid commas, that are not necessary. 6) If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing. 7) One should never generalize. 8) No sentence fragments. 9) Reserve the apostrophe for it’s proper use and omit it when its not needed. 10) Don’t overuse exclamation marks!!! 11) Avoid un-necessary hyphens. 12) Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. 13) Be more or less specific. 14) A writer must not shift your point of view.

15) Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided. 16) The passive voice should not be used. 17) Prepositions are not words to end a sentence with.

18) It is not a good idea to carelessly split infinitives.

19) Parentheses are (almost always) unnecessary. 20) Eschew obfuscation. 21) Never, ever use repetitive redundancies. 22) If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times, resist hyperbole. 23) Avoid awkward or affected alliteration. 24) Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

25) Last, but not the least, avoid cliches like the plague; seek viable alternatives.