5 things you should know about infertility (An excerpt)

1. Infertility is a common experience. According to the CDC, approximately 7–10% of couples experience some form of infertility—a very considerable number. To make that figure slightly more concrete, if your church has about 200 families attend on a given Sunday morning, chances are around 20 of them have experienced infertility.

Despite all feelings to the contrary, infertile couples are not alone in their experience. Many have experienced it, and for some it is an ongoing or permanent reality. It is important that couples are aware they’re not alone in their experience, and it is important for churches to recognize just how many couples have been, or are, struggling with infertility.

2. God has a mission for childless couples.

For couples unable to conceive, God has a special mission for you. He has given you a different way of being family. This absolutely is not an inferior way of being family. Don’t believe that lie. Childlessness can be a vexing and hurtful experience, but it is nevertheless part of God’s purpose for you as a couple, however temporary or protracted. He wishes for you to be witnesses to the good news in Jesus Christ.

3. God’s reasons for withholding children from couples remain a mystery.

Scripture tells us God’s ways are beyond finding out. His ways are not our ways. Why he withholds children is his prerogative. We pray, we seek God’s favor, his vitality, and put ourselves at his mercy. Even medical science cannot fully explain why some couples cannot conceive. The most sophisticated instrumentation and screenings in the history of humankind are themselves limited in what they can tell us about all the whys or why nots of conception.

4. Infertility narratives in Scripture are not implicit promises of children, but evidence of God’s commitment to his covenant and care for his children.

It is important not to read infertility narratives in Scripture as divine promises of a child. The narratives are profoundly edifying and instructive, but they cannot be named and claimed. We learn of God’s concern for the human species and for the passing on of generations. We learn of God’s relentless faithfulness to the covenant, to his chosen people. But we do not find individuated promises. And in any case, as members of the new covenant, even the purposes of procreation are reinterpreted. The covenant is no longer dependent upon having children.

5. Parenthood—and even the desire to be a parent—is subject to Jesus Christ and his mission.

Disciples of Jesus Christ are first that, disciples, and then assume a range of other associative identities. In fact, a disciple is how we are to assume those roles. This applies to couples with and without children. The desire to be a parent—and the act of parenting—remains subject to Jesus and his mission. We must repent of conditions or stipulations we place on how or when we are Christ’s disciples.

From 10 Things To Know About Infertility by Matthew Arbo (PhD, University of Edinburgh), an assistant professor of theological studies and director of the Center for Faith and Public Life at Oklahoma Baptist University. He and his family are members of Frontline Church in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.