My BF is silent in bed
Question: Whenever I do something to my boyfriend – go down on him, play sexy time, it tends to be really quiet. Napansin ko na he doesn’t make sounds at all. Kahit when he reaches climax and finishes! Sobrang tahimik. He moves and squirms pero walang sound. What does this mean? Is he really enjoying it or should I perfrom better? Thank you, I
Hi I,
Although I know that it’s hard to imagine people who are extremely quiet during bedroom play – they exist! Hindi lahat ng tao explosive during climax. May mga tao na tahimik lang talaga, even during play. I believe that this is one of the common misconceptions that media such as films and TV shows have ingrained in us: Na kailangan maingay ka or sumisigaw ka during THAT moment.
Even if he may not express himself verbally or through sounds, he may be moaning, and even yelling your name inside his head. So how come he keeps his mouth shut, you may ask?
Well, it could probably come from the fear na baka may makarinig sa kaniya. Remember how we, especially when we were younger, we were taught that any sexy play (ie, self pleasure, going down, intercourse, etc.) should not be talked about and should be kept secret?! Right?
So, pwedeng, when he was doing it before, he would hide it from his parents by being really quiet. At nadala niya ung habit and belief na iyon sa pagtanda. Another reason for his silence could come from his feelings of nervousness with what’s going on. Because any sexual play is wrong and bawal.
You could also look at his personality and demeanor – during normal activities, is he naturally quiet or is he loud and only quiet in the bedroom? Kasi kung tahimik naman talaga siya naturally, you can’t expect him to give a war cry while in bed.
How about you? Do you moan? Do you talk to him during play? Maybe you could set an example by doing the things that you want him to do. You could also tell him that it would excite you more if you hear something from him during play. Maybe you can ask him to make a sound to assure you that you’re doing it right?
Siyempre, lahat naman tayo we want to know how our partners feel during intimate play. But, as I tell my clients and even my friends, we won’t really know how your partner is feeling unless you talk to him and ask him.
When you talk about this, approach him in a calm and supportive way – no judgments please! You have to make him feel safe. This way, he would be able to tell you how he really feels. And you’ll never know, maybe next time, he’d feel safe enough to even scream your name! ;) #takeitfromthesexymind
* * * If you have questions on love and sex that you want me to answer, you may message me at www.facebook.com/ TheSexyMind or DM me on Instagram: _ricacruz.
Biography: Rica Cruz is a Licensed Psychologist and Sex Therapist. She comes out as the Resident Sex Therapist on Boys’ Night Out every Thursday night on Magic 89.9.