Relationships are like sand

"Relationships --- of all kinds --- are like sand, held in your hand," observes Kaleel Jamison. In the world. org. website, Jamison says, "Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold on to some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessibly, and the relationship slips away."

A young man confided that he was contemplating on leaving his girlfriend because she is too possessive. He said, "She texts me or calls me almost every hour, which is kinda irritating especially with the kind of work that I have. I am always in the field. At first her being too solicitous on my whereabout titillates my ego, but later on, her constant monitoring was a "pain in the neck.' It chokes me. I'm no longer happy with our relationship. We always quarrel because of her jealousy."

In the SelfGrowth.com, Dr. Sanjoy Mukerji, a psychologist said, "Relationship is one of the most important key areas in our life. Numerous studies have shown that marital discord for that matter and most divorces are rooted in personality problem at least in one of the partners. So often we try our level best to control and manage, and change the other, however, the results are negative. People normally don't change unless they want to and and are committed towards the change."

Mukerji is in the notion that the following should be avoided in a relationship:

Criticism. Whenever we criticize someone, we stop our ability to take a clear look at the situation. Criticizing is very harmful because whenever we call someone arrogant or useless for example, we start seeing that person as arrogant or useless. Our mind, unconsciously or subconsciously keeps picking up and finding out those negative traits in that person. Hence, stop from criticizing others. Learn to appreciate and compliment the other partner. Compliments have got tremendous positive effect, however, they should be genuine. But if you have nothing good to say, better keep your mouth shut or just keep that comment to yourself.

Blaming is also harmful. When we blame someone else for the problem in our life, we become a passive victim of circumstances. Many relationships are ruined by people who blame their partners when things go wrong. They take little responsibility for their problem. Whenever we blame someone else for the problem in our life, we become powerless and helpless to change anything. The "blame game" hurts our personal sense of power. Keep away from blaming thoughts. We have to take personal responsibility for our problems before we can hope to change others.

Acceptance.We must stop trying to change the others, as there is enough scope for change in us. No one is perfect, hence, there is a lot of room for improvement in us. Accept people as they are and not as you wish they were. Don't expect them to behave the way you want them to be. As a matter of fact, the best thing is not to expect anything from anybody. Embrace them as they are.

Here's something to bear in mind from Kallel Jamison, "We are born in one day. We can die in one day. We can change in one day. We can fall in love in one day. Anything can happen in one day, if you only have the patience to wait any time of the day."