A very weird question

Do you remember an activity, when you were young, when you had to divide a paper in half then one side will be your positive traits while the other are your negative traits.

My negative traits when I was in high school according to my classmates were shy, quiet and maldita because I didn’t talk as often as the others. I was out of the ordinary thus I was peculiar.

I remember being at the middle of our classroom during snack time when the other children were busy chatting with their friends, having snacks, others were cracking jokes and throwing paper planes when I was at my zone quietly reading a book, immersed at the scene that was playing in my head. I was a good student, I am part of numerous curricular activities at school and I have my friends who did not bother me being quiet. But I have classmates, acquaintances and strangers who find me peculiar.

One time, a boy from my catechism class had the courage to ask me a question that has been bothering him for months. It was during a Mass, all of sudden he stood beside me, looked into my eyes with full of curiosity asked me the question, “Why are you so quiet?”

I looked at him and did just this (a finger on my lips to “shh”

him). He had the weirdest look in his face. But you know what, I found his question weird. Because he just questioned who I was. My very own identity. I was quiet, still am. So, why did he ask as if it was out of the ordinary? Since then, I knew that the school system has failed to establish the impression of identity. Since then, I became a rebel to the school system, unbelieving and unsatisfied to how we are formed into a singular molding tray.

For five years, I have studied the development of a child and for five years I became more and more faithful to the Montessori system simply because it catered to the identity of every child. Today, I’d like to share the very soul of the system. It is known as the Planes of Development – The Constructive Rhythm of Life.

I want you to understand that each child follows a set of periods as he or she grows up. This is universal because this is the language of the child. That is the reason why we have such saying as “The Terrible Twos” that can be related to any parent or teacher around the world. It is the same reason why we why we dreaded adolescence or lamented on how lost the eighteens or the twentyones are in our society.

Let’s start with the Absorbent mind, those in the population from 0 to 6 years old. It is the period of great intensity. They have an absorbent mind because they absorb information using all their senses. That is the reason why they touch and taste. Now 3 to 6 years old may be the terrible years; yet those are the most crucial years because they are forming their world. They have no idea what light, water, leaves, or ants are. We will only be surprised when they throw tantrums for missing their naps or upon discovering the fork was placed on the wrong side of the plate.

Imagine this, every day you go out of your house and see a huge Narra tree on your porch. One day, you open the door and see that the tree is no longer there; or, you sleep knowing the walls are white. When you open your eyes the following day, you see the wall color has changed to bright orange. Oh! how confusing and terrible you would feel. That’s how a child would feel and react to change. Now we ask the child, “What’s wrong with you?” That must be a weird question to the child.

Elementary, on the other hand, is a period of calmness as long

as the child is able to build his or her identity during the previous period. This is the best time to explore; during this stage, they also exhibit the hero-worship tendency which can be misinterpreted by us, adults, especially when we fail to provide reality and let the child’s imagination be settled with fairy tales and superheroes. This can be harmful because what we provide the child is not real. This will only lead the child to liking teleseryes and gossips when he or she grow up. Now, let me ask you question, what is more interesting than the universe? Its vastness is still undiscovered. That won’t be a weird question for the child.

And then Puberty comes along, a period of immense growth with the intense desire for independence. Children who do not want to be treated like one. At this time, they want to build their identity in a society; but what do we do? We build fences around them, we give them rules not choices, tests rather than opportunities. We bring them down with standards and expectations even before we lift them up for who they are. Therefore they cannot express themselves. And then whenever they disobey we ask, “What’s wrong with you? What a weird question that might have been.

Finally, the last period to maturity 18 to 24. I call them the lost souls because at this time, they are seeking for their contributions to the mission of humanity. That is the reason why advanced countries encourage these young adults to volunteer and travel and then to explore spiritually. And not be stuck in the workforce immediately because they need to dig deep inside and discover their greater mission. Now, whenever they are slacking in their jobs or when they wander from one job to another, we ask “what’s wrong with you?” For a seeking soul, that might have been a very weird question.

So, before you ask “what’s wrong with you?” please take some time to understand the identity of the person or people you are questioning. For you don’t want to end up asking a very weird question.

•Aside from being a member of The Queen City Toastmasters, Mariam served District 75 asArea 21 Director. Her home club meets every 2nd and 4th Saturdays of the month, 6 p.m. at Salt Restaurant, St. Patrick’s Square (across the back gate of STC), Cebu City.