Setting rules at home

The general picture of a home consists of parents and children. Given that, the home is like a little community. And any community can only run smoothly if everybody observes certain rules.

In fact, even between two people – say, just husband and wife – rules have to be established in order to avoid misunderstandings and disappointments. Rules define the expected behavior of each one on particular matters. Rules take out much of the guesswork in day-to-day family life.

Especially where there are children at home, family rules are a good way to help the little ones understand family values. Bickering and chaos can hardly take place in a home where rules define acceptable behavior. The rules need not be so specific or rigid; it’s enough to give the whole family a chance to understand and maintain a sense of family harmony.

Children really thrive when boundaries and rules are clear, writes Ariadne Brill at the website www. positiveparentingconnection.net. And it’s better if the children are made to “feel as if their own ideas about those rules have been given some consideration.” Kids are indeed most likely to uphold something that they were partly responsible for.

Parents shall lead in establishing rules at home, of course. Brill shares a few steps that parents with small children can follow in creating rules that will get the kids really excited and even happy about the whole process:

1. Keep it simple.

There is no need to list off every single thing you expect your child to do and not to do in the house. Instead of a giant no-no list or must-do checklist, it may help to think of family rules as guidelines. Family rules can be a source of inspiration and gentle reminders for your expectations. Choosing words that are simple yet representative of the values you wish to share with your children for years to come usually work best.

2. Invite children to participate in the process.

Children are much more likely to respect family rules they have helped set up. Inviting children to create the family rules can be a great way to connect, as well as a chance to hear what kind of values your children are already starting to think about.

3. Make a visual representation.

Proudly displaying the family rules somewhere is a great way for the whole family to remember and be inspired by the rules everyone came up with together. Some ideas for creating a visual could be to use family pictures, inviting children to draw a picture or writing the rules together on poster board. For very young children having pictures that represent each value may be helpful.

4. Review and clarify when needed.

Rules posted on the wall may be a great visual reminder but taking the time to review the family rules together, say once a week or so, may be a great way to keep everyone on the same page. This can feel like it is often enough for everyone to remember but not so often that it becomes annoying. How you review your rules might change as your children get older.

As children grow, it may be helpful to revisit, rewrite or re-evaluate the family rules to make sure they are age appropriate. Especially as children approach the tween or teen years, aside from family rules that deal with core values, the whole family can make agreements about limits and expectations.

In the end, family rules are like handrails for each family member – young kids especially – to hold on to day after day. With handrails, missteps are less likely. Handrails help for a smooth way.