Never wear the cloak of self-pity

Have you experienced self-pity because someone whom you loved the most betrayed you? Or someone whom you have extended help treated you badly? Or your parents are playing favorites among the siblings?

People who experienced rejection be it in love, relationship, job, or any situation that puts down or undermine self-esteem, cannot help but feel self-pity.

Amy Morin, a psychotherapist of “Psychology Today website,” has this to say, “Whether you’ve been rejected by a love interest or you’re overwhelmed by a looming deadline, throwing a pity party won’t help. In fact, feeling sorry for yourself can be downright self-destructive. It makes overcoming adversity difficult—- if not impossible — and it keeps you stuck.”

Morin believes that strong people refuse to allow self-pity to sabotage their goals. Instead, they use life’s inevitable hardships as a way to grow stronger and become better .

Morin points out ways to avoid the trap of self-pity as practice by strong people:

They face their feelings. Mentally strong people allow themselves to experience emotions like grief, disappointment, and loneliness head-on. They do not distract themselves from uncomfortable emotions by questioning whether their problems as ‘fair”, or by convincing themselves they’ve suffered more than those around them. They know the best way to deal with discomfort is just get through it.

They practice gratitude. It’s hard to feel self-pity and gratitude at the same time. Self-pity is about thinking, “I deserve better.” Gratitude is about thinking, “I have more than I need.” Mentally strong people recognize all that they have to be grateful for in life.

They help other people. It’s hard to feel sorry for yourself

when you’re busy helping those who are less fortunate. Problems like demanding customers or declining sales don’t seem so bad when you’re reminded that there are people who lack food and shelter. Rather than ruminate on their own inconveniences, mentally strong people strive to improve the lives of others.

They refuse to complain. Venting to other people about the magnitude of your problems fuels feelings of self-pity. Mentally strong people don’t try to gain sympathy from others by complaining about their difficult circumstances. Instead, they either take action to make things better, or accept the situations that they cannot change.

They maintain an optimistic outlook. Some of life’s problems cannot be prevented or solved. The loss of loved ones, natural disasters, and certain health problems are problems most of us will face at one time or another, but mentally strong people keep an optimistic outlook about their ability to handle whatever life throws their way.

Build mental strength. Developing mental strength is similar to building physical strength. If you wanted to become physically strong you would need good habits like lifting weights. Developing mental strength also requires you to have good habits – and to give up destructive ones, like self-pity.