Secrets of Happy Kids
When it comes to kids, people just don’t think about happiness enough these days. They think about success. They think in comparisons. They think about milestones, graduations and shiny trophies.
They think about things like redshirting a potential Kindergartener – not so that he will be happy, but so that he will have an advantage on the playing field or in the classroom.
They think about how many soccer teams a nineyear-old should play on at any given time to increase her odds of getting a full ride to some top-rated college at some point in the future.
They think about the obstacles that make parenting such an exhausting job. Yes, they think a lot about those.
But they don’t spend a lot of time thinking about what makes kids happy.
Once upon a time, childhood was filled with endless days spent outside and very little TV. Imaginations ran wild and kids made their own fun with nothing but a few matchbox cars and an old cardboard box. They played, they learned, and they socialized. But most of all, they had fun.
Life is far too scripted today. Plans are made. Classes are attended. Craft projects are intended to mimic those found in magazines. Gone are the days of free play and creating something out of nothing. Many kids today are simply following a script.
That’s not to say that kids aren’t happy, because many kids are. Many kids live a life full of adventure and wonder in their own backyards. But many don’t. Many simply follow the plan. And that’s a shame, because childhood should be all about happiness.
How can kids focus on happiness when there is always so much to do? They can start by taking a breath, and then take a few cues from the happy kids around. These are what happy kids do:
1. They eat on time.
I know what you’re thinking; that’s seems too simple. Think again. Have you ever been so hungry that you just wanted to scream? That’s how kids feel when they miss a snack or have to wait two hours past their normal mealtime to participate in some super-fancy family dinner.
Eating at regular intervals refuels the kids’ growing brains and bodies and keeps hunger under control. When kids are calm and satisfied, they experience greater happiness.
2. They get consistent sleep.
I know, I know, some kids are better sleepers than others. While that’s certainly the truth, it isn’t an excuse for poor sleep habits. Kids need to learn how to sleep. Parents can teach them. When kids are completely exhausted, they are cranky. When they are well-rested and ready to embrace the day, they are happier. Sleep and a consistent bedtime should be a priority.
3. They play without instructions.
Unstructured playtime appears to be a lost art these days. It used to be that kids made their own fun. Today, kids are overscheduled, dialed in and in awe of toys that essentially do the playing for them. Sure, those toy garbage trucks with all of the bells and whistles are neat, but some wooden trucks and building blocks should be mixed in. Amid their busy schedule, there shall be some time each day when kids can just play. Play is good for the soul.
4. They are allowed to express emotions.
Kids yell when they’re mad. They cry when they’re sad. They might even stomp their feet and run around in circles when they’re not sure what to feel. And sometimes, they do all of that in the middle of aisle at the supermarket. Parents should allow the little ones to do that. Kids need to express their emotions.
While adults call a friend to vent when the going gets tough, kids are a bit more primitive. Shushing them and publicly shaming them don’t help. The kids shall be allowed to vent in their own little way and then the parents may offer to help. Enduring a public temper tantrum might feel overwhelming in the moment, but it’s better than a lifetime of internalizing negative emotions that could lead to eating issues, depression or other emotional problems for your child.
5. They get to make choices.
Kids have very little control over their lives. They are constantly being told where to go, what to do and what to eat. A little bit of control goes a long way toward feeling happy. Kids shall be allowed to choose their outfits. They should be allowed to choose the dinner menu one night per week. They should be asked what classes they want to take. They should be given the opportunity to make some decisions, and they are sure to smile in return.
6. They feel heard. Kids are intuitive. Even toddlers can tell when parents are tuning them out or answering on autopilot. When kids feel like their parents truly listen to them, they feel more connected. This increases their self-confidence and increases their overall happiness. Parents shall listen when their children speak. It’s the best way to build an open and honest relationship between parent and child, and it makes the child happy.
7. They experience unconditional love.
Kids mess up often. When they’re told not to jump off the couch over and over again, they do it anyway. And then they cry. It’s because childhood is largely based on trialand-error, and sometimes kids just need to take chances. They need to be understood and forgiven. Parents shall love them anyway.
When kids know that their parents love and support them no matter what, they are more likely to take healthy risks. They are confident and secure in their decisions. They learn that sometimes people make mistakes, but there is always a chance to right a wrong.
When children know that their parents will always be there for them, for better or for worse, they are happy.