How to deal with insults and put-downs

There are times when our day is ruined because of “emotional vampires”, people who insult us or treat us rudely. Like what happened to a friend. One afternoon while she was walking alone in Colon St., she met her former classmate in high school. She was excited to see her, but her high spirit was dampened when the friend blurted, “My goodness! You are so fat! What happened?” Without batting an eyelash she retorted, “But look at you! You’re so thin, as if you just have been removed from the tomb!”

When they parted ways, she wondered why their greetings was in that manner. They have never heard of nor seen each other for years. But with that greetings… She wondered.

To be insulted, especially below the belt is not easy to take. However, there are ways wherein we can deal with it as suggested by Neel Burton, M.D. of Psychology Today website and wikiHow.com.

Anger. This is the weakest possible response for three main reasons. First, it shows that we take the insult, and the insulter seriously. Second, it suggests that there is truth in the insult. And third, it upsets and hurts us – which can invite further insults.

Acceptance. This may seem like a weak response, but in many cases is actually the strongest response of all. When someone insults us, we ought to consider three things: whether the insult is true, who it came from, and why. If the insult is true the insulter is reasonable, and his motive is worthy. When the insult is not an insult but a statement of fact, then that is potentially helpful to us. Thus, we seldom take offense at our teacher, parent, or best friend.

Returning the insult. The problem with put-down is that it tends to equalize us with our insulter, raising him up to our level and bringing us down to his. This gives him and his insult far too much credibility.

Humor. It is effective for three reasons: it undermines the insult, it brings the audience on side, and it diffuses the tension of the situation.

Ignoring the insult. One downside of humor is that it requires quick thinking. In contrast, ignoring the insult is easier, in fact, more powerful. We need never to take offense as an insult. Offense exists not in the insult, but in our reaction to it, and our reactions are completely within our control.

Laugh it off. Laughter causes the release of endorphins, a group of hormones that can stimulate happy or euphoric feeling. Take a moment to laugh at yourself. Remind yourself that no one is immune from insults or criticisms. Laugh at yourself in difficult moments.

Learn to accept insults. You don’t have to agree with what a person says, but learning to accept an insult takes more confidence than near any other response. If the insult comes from someone you care about, you are willing to consider their point. If it comes from someone you don’t care about, it shows that they don’t impact you.