How to Spot Genuine People

The “L” word – Lie. No one wants to ever be lied to, yet at some point in our lives we all have either lied (yes, we all have) or been lied to. The feeling – well, the act of course – sucks. Plain and simple.

Often, our first immediate reaction is anger. It irritates us to no end that this person thinks we are stupid enough to lie to. It insults our intelligence and it seriously does hurt our feelings too.

There are many things we should and shouldn’t do when we’ve been lied to, but here are a few tips that may help you next time it happens. Try one or two, and see if it helps make a difference in the way you feel afterwards. Quite possibly, the liar may even get the hint and stop lying… a little.

Don’t tell the whole town about it.

That’s gossiping and that doesn’t make you any better than the liar. Whatever reason this person lied to you surely can be justified by them, but definitely don’t go all over town and bash them. Two wrongs don’t make a right. There is no doubt about the fact that what they did was wrong. The whole town doesn’t need to know about it though.

Don’t “lie” back.

What’s the point behind that anyway? There is no reasoning and it just makes you look like a child. We’re adults now and there is an adult and mature way to handle situations. Revenge isn’t one of them, nor is a recommended one. Suddenly you are both liars. There is nothing to gain from this behavior.

Do be patient.

Talk to this person calmly and find out why he felt the need to lie to you. Where does this lie come from? Is it from a fear or insecurity? If it is not his normal behavior, then clearly something is up. Assure him that there’s no need to lie about anything and everything has a solution. Help him to understand that telling the truth is just so much better.

Do forgive.

Oh yes, this is a hard one to do but it is necessary. Forgiveness will set you free from the hurt and anger you feel towards this person for the lie. Maybe you won’t ever know the reason why he lied to you and feel the need to lie to you all the time. Just forgive him and let go. If this person has a habit of lying to you all the time, maybe it’s time to start distancing yourself from him.Do

Re-group and evaluate your relationship with this person. Is this lying a constant thing? Maybe it’s time to get rid of him. Release him from your life so you can make room for something better. It’s hard to be in the company of someone who lies to you all the time. There is no trust, and where there is no trust, there is no love, security or friendship. It may be time to let go.

step back.

Don’t hold a grudge.

Holding a grudge will only hurt you, not him. It’s like the quote: “Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” He won’t, but your spirit and your soul will. Grudges are not healthy emotionally or physically. When you fill your mind and heart with anger like that, you are taking up room where there could be love and happiness.

Do cry and be angry, but don’t hang on to it.

It’s okay to let your feelings and emotions out about this latest lie, just don’t stay there too long. Definitely don’t hold it in and pretend you didn’t notice. This will brew and boil inside of you, sort of like a grudge and resentment. Write a truth letter to this person and let him know how it made you feel. Get it all out and then destroy the letter. This will definitely make you feel better. Trust me.

It’s never fun and it’s never easy to deal with when someone lies to you – but it can be handled effectively and maturely.

Perhaps you wonder why you always tend to look for people who are genuine. That’s natural with everyone. After all, nobody wants to work or hang out with a phony.

“Genuine” means actual, real, sincere, honest. Genuine people are more or less the same on the inside as their behavior shows on the outside. Unfortunately, it’s a tough quality to discern. The problem is that all human interactions are relative. They’re all a function of how we perceive each other through our own subjective lenses.

Being genuine is also a rare quality. In a world full of phony fads, media hype, virtual personas, positive thinkers, and personal brands – where everyone wants what they don’t have, nobody’s content to be who they are. More importantly, nobody’s willing to admit to any of that – genuine people are becoming more and more rare all the time.

To help you identify the rare traits – in yourself, as well – here’s how genuine people behave:

They don’t seek attention.

They don’t need constant reinforcement of their own ego. Where attention seekers have a hole that constantly needs to be filled, genuine people are already filled with self-confidence and self-awareness.

They’re not concerned with being liked.

The need to be liked is born of insecurity and narcissism. It creates a need to manipulate one’s own and others’ emotions. Confident and authentic people are simply themselves. If they are liked by other, fine. If not, that’s fine, too.

They can tell when others are full of it.

Perhaps naïve folks can be easily fooled, but genuine people are not naïve. They’re grounded in reality and that gives them a baseline from which they can tell when things don’t add up. There’s a big difference.

They are comfortable in their own skin.

In his late 70s, actor Leonard Nimoy said he was closer than ever to being as comfortable with himself as his character, Spock, appeared to be. Most of us struggle with that. As Henry David Thoreau observed, “The mass of men lead lives of

quiet desperation.”

They do what they say and say what they mean.

They don’t tend to overreach or exaggerate. They meet their commitments. And they don’t parse their words or sugarcoat the truth. If you need to hear it, they’ll tell you… even if it’s tough for them to say and for you to hear.

They don’t need a lot of stuff.

When one is comfortable with who he is, he doesn’t need a lot of external stuff to be happy. He knows where to find happiness – inside himself, with his loved ones, and his work. He finds happiness in the simple things.

They’re not thin-skinned.

They don’t take themselves too seriously, so they don’t take offense where none is intended.

They’re not overly modest or boastful.

Since they’re confident of their strengths, they don’t need to brag about them. Likewise, they don’t exhibit false modesty. Humility is a positive trait but it’s even better to just be straightforward.

You might describe genuine people as being weighty, solid, or substantial. Since they know themselves well and are in touch with their genuine emotions, they’re more or less predictable... in a good way.

They’re not likely to advise people to do something they wouldn’t do themselves. After all, genuine people know they’re no better than anyone else, so it’s not in their nature to be self-righteous.

All those seemingly different traits have the same thing at their core: self-awareness that’s consistent with reality. Genuine people see themselves as others would if they were objective observers. There’s not a lot of processing, manipulating, or controlling going on between what’s in their head and what people see and hear.

Genuine people are more or less consistent with the way they initially hold themselves out to be. What you see is what you get. It’s sad that, in today’s world, such a positive quality is at risk of becoming endangered. Not only is it harder to find in others, it’s becoming harder to be genuine ourselves.

They’re consistent.

They practice what they preach.