When the Wounds of the Past Still Hurt

“If my mother’s tongue were a knife, I would have been dead long time ago,” an acquaintance of mine recently said.

She confided that her mother was an abuser, that she hurt her verbally and emotionally when she was growing up, even for the most trivial things. It was mostly because her dad was an absentee father and a womanizer, and felt that her mom vented her frustrations on her.

Her mom passed away ten years ago, but her painful memories still keep on coming back – especially when she’s alone. She said, “Maybe, I have not yet healed. The pain of the past still lurks in my heart and soul, with much deep intensity.”

Many of us don’t realize how powerful words can be. When said without compassion and kindness, they can destroy a person’s concept of self, and shred one’s beliefs and values into tiny pieces. With sympathy and consideration, words can uplift and inspire a person to aim for greater heights, and can encourage him or her to achieve what he or she wishes for in life.To hold on to the hurt and pain of the past is not a wise decision to do. We have to be kind to ourselves and not keep on fanning the flames of pain and hurt from the past. We have to learn to move on, no matter how painful and hurtful the past may have been.

According to Dr. Michael McGee, M.D. of the psycom website; “Holding to anger and resentment isn’t good for mental health. Forgiveness can help you let go of emotional pain and jump-start healing.”

Here are McGee’s suggestions on how one can go about letting go of the past:

* Until we forgive, we have a tendency to continue to “medicate” and “cover-up” these feelings with destructive activities like the excessive consumption of alcohol or recreational drugs, or engage in behaviors like gambling, out of control shopping, unhealthy eating, or sexual pursuits.

* Reflect on the benefits of forgiveness versus the costs of holding grudges. Pay attention to how grudges have poisoned your life and caused you harm. Your resentment will lessen when you see how they’re harming you and you resolve to forgive, for your own sake.

* Honor your emotions. Ignoring your pain will prevent true forgiveness. Remember that there’s no forgiveness of others without anger, sadness, and hurt. If you’ve hurt others, there’s no self-forgiveness without first passing through the throes of remorse.

* Stop blaming. Don’t make anyone responsible for your feelings, actions, well-being, or life. If you do this, you’ll remain a victim for the rest of your life. Take complete and total responsibility for your life, your joy, your attitude, and your actions. Also take responsibility to whatever happens in your life.

*Practice humility. Let go of the need to be perfect and for life to always go your way. Remind yourself that life is about all living it with others, and not just about you.

“To hold on to the hurt and pain of the past is not a wise decision to do. We have to be kind to ourselves and not keep on fanning the flames of pain and hurt from the past. We have to learn to move on, no matter how painful and hurtful the past may have been.”