Putting your gift of empathy to good use
While listening to POTUS Barack Obama sing Amazing Grace during his eulogy for his late friend Rev. Clementa Pinckney — one of the victims in the recent Charleston, South Carolina church massacre — I imagined his “empathy rating” moving up, up and up. The act — whether premeditated or impromptu — demonstrated in equal parts his role as an empathetic president and a sincere mourner, something that connects to and resonates strongly with his audience’s emotions. Historically, Obama gets high marks for empathy, as he has consistently done from the time he rose to national and international prominence, and analysts attribute this to his ability to understand the problems Americans face in their daily lives. It looks like he will leave his presidency in 2016 with a high mark.
Former US president Bill Clinton is an empathy master. He often uses “feeling” or “emotive” words to connect with people. He’s got the charisma and talent for establishing eye contact and creating sturdy personal connections swiftly, and demonstrates a significant emotional understanding and ability to project his own self with great articulation. This talent was said to be responsible for his staying power, which shielded him from crashing down after every encounter with crisis situations.
Pope Francis scores high in empathy, given his spiritual leadership, humility and love and compassion for the poor. Many people around the world are hugely impressed by his statement on issues, including the contentious ones. He is seen as somebody who lives out the teachings of Jesus Christ, with astonishing modesty, and an incredible sense of empathy to “the least, the lost and the last.” Obama described him as “someone who is first and foremost thinking about how to embrace people as opposed to push them away. That spirit, that sense of love and unity, seems to manifest itself not just in what he says, but in what he does.”
Among political leaders in the country today, it can be safely surmised that Senator Grace Poe ranks highest in empathy. Many believe that she’s the clear winner in the Mamasapano incident based on the way she handled the Senate hearing on the issue. Her “empathy quotient” was bolstered by the way she managed the residency or citizenship question raised about her when she was seen as a serious contender in the 2016 Philippine presidency. Her story as an orphan endeared her even more to many Filipinos.
Cardinal Luis Antonio “Chito” Tagle of the Archdiocese of Manila is seen as an empathetic church leader. Those who had the chance to encounter him up-close agree in saying that he is one man who is not afraid to show his tears. He has a realistic view of what he can or cannot do, and has the appeal to bring people together. He doesn’t make you feel that he is smarter or more superior to you, and allows people to feel comfortable around him — especially the poorest of the poor or the dumbest of the dumb. He keeps everything simple to be in commonality with the underprivileged.
Empathy is a currency of success in any field. It brings trust and insights into other people’s emotions and reasons; it makes you understand why others react the way they react in certain situations; it hones your people skills; and allows you to adopt more informed choices. “Empathy is the ability to identify and understand another’s situation, feelings and motives. It’s your capacity to recognize the concerns other people have,” Bruna Martinuzzi wrote. It means putting yourself in the other person’s shoes or seeing things through someone else’s eyes. Dr Daniel Goleman, in his Harvard Business
Review commentary entitled “What Makes a Leader,” declared, “Leaders with empathy do more than sympathize with people around
them: they use their knowledge to improve their companies in subtle, but important ways.” This is not to say that these leaders concur with everyone’s belief or attempt to satisfy everybody. Rather, as Goleman’s article marked, “They thoughtfully consider employees’ feelings — along with other factors — in the process of making intelligent decisions.”
Empathy rules in the world of marketing where consumers have turned more discerning and skeptical. It is about making a huge difference, acknowledging the fact that people are looking “not just to buy something, but to buy into something.” They wish to connect with corporations whose values and actions are aligned with theirs. As such, many corporations are stressing the values of empathy and sensitivity in their communications campaigns to oppose the mounting lack of trust many consumers feel about institutions nowadays. Companies like Apple, Disney, Starbucks, and Nordstrom, among many others, have created strong “empathetic programs” for good reason; today’s brand-conscious buyers are making the brands they like part of their social identities — and viewing others in light of their brand preferences. Having a distinct personality and value is the hallmark of a strong brand. People discover something in them that mirrors who they are, what they want to be, and the type of people they want to be with.
Empathy can be an acquired value. You may be naturally and consistently empathetic and can, with no trouble, forge constructive linkages and coalitions with others. Awardwinning actress Meryl Streep pronounced, “The great gift of human beings is that we have the power of empathy. You have to use that gift to stimulate trust, create connections, and build upbeat kinships beneficial to many.”
But if empathy does not come naturally to you, below are traits and emotional trigger points that you can develop and obtain, and questions that you need to answer to increase your capacity for better relationships and connectivity.
Identification. You share the values and concerns of your constituents. You mirror who they are and what they represent. How can you make people reflect your image? What experiences can strengthen your bond with them?
Pride. People feel proud being around you. They acquire the special feeling that they are part of a special club. It gives them status. What can make people proud to be associated with you?
Relevance. You play a meaningful role in their respective lives. You are a perfect fit in their circle. Can people do without you? Are you easily replaceable?
Trust. You can be counted upon. You keep your promises. You are honest and won’t let people down. What can make you a reliable partner? How do you keep your promises?
Approachability. You are accessible, obtainable, and approachable. You are within their reach; you are in their league. What “approachability” story or event can you put in your program to reach out to people?
Curiosity. You are intriguing. You pique the interest of people, and stimulate their imagination. They want to know you better. How can you make people constantly curious about you? How do you keep the fire burning?
Empowerment. You make others more confident. You are self-assured and free. What confidence-boosting activities can you line up? How can you help them reach the top?
Familiarity. You are recognizable enough for people to talk about you, and thus support you. They understand what you are saying to them. How can you make people understand you better?
Warmth. You are seen with admiration and fondness. People respond to you, and desire you. They feel comfortable engaging with you. How do you maintain, if not heighten your empathy and “desirability quotient”?
Author Daniel Pink said, “Empathy is about feeling with someone else’s heart, seeing with his or her eyes. Not only is empathy hard to outsource and automate, but it makes the world a better place.” And it opens doors of possibilities in whatever endeavor you decide to get into — in politics or in business. The next presidential election is about a year from now yet, but political wannabes have already started oiling their machineries. I hope they have cultivated empathy — a soft, sometimes abstract tool in a leadership toolkit — in their preparation.
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Empathy hones your people skills; and allows you to adopt more informed choices.