The change we need
There’s been a lot of talk about “the change we need,” “the change we can bank on,” “the change that will be difficult at the start….” and “the change we can count on.” But no one has yet talked about a change that many Filipinos really, really, badly need: A Change In Our Character.
Last week during lunch, a lady working for one of the big corporations in the Philippines shared how hurt she was and how she has been carrying that hurt like imbedded shrapnel for some time. As I probed, I learned that she had been sent with a team to undertake the equivalent of a town hall meeting in an exclusive village to address their problems and concerns with the corporation and to present a solution that would surely improve things for the community.
Unfortunately, the residents of the village not only rejected their idea (which was clearly the best solution), they piled on their complaints and the height of it was when a resident verbally abused the lady in public. She was so affected recalling the whole thing that her voice cracked once or twice as tears trickled from the corners of her eyes. The last thing she expected from people who were at the top of society living in an exclusive community and known to be celebrities and business leaders was to be harangued and treated like a sub-human.
Whoever chose to verbally abuse and publicly humiliate my friend apparently did it out of anger, frustration and utter dislike for the company she represented. What the abusive customer never realized or thought of was that the cuss words expressed had cut into the heart and soul of another person. Imagining that scenario gives meaning to what is written in the book of James chapter 3:9-10, “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing.”
If one shared the story with “ordinary people,” the response would be to stereotype “rich people in exclusive villages” as arrogant, self-centered, or feeling entitled and abusive. But that as I said is the negative stereotype. Such anger and verbal abuse is actually the more common behavior of very unhappy consumers or people who pay for a service but can’t get it. Sadly, I have observed that people restrain their anger and their expressions when speaking in the company of people in power or ability to decisively do something for them.
We don’t shout at a company president and we always ask for the manager or the chief. How come women get more flak or mistreated than men? Why do we act more rudely at clerks, sales people or “mere employees”? Is it because of a lifelong learned behavior from having maids and houseboys to shout at?
It is interesting to note that as you go down the economic status of people, the more confrontational and violent they become.
The other night when the PNR train conked out on the tracks, the conductor and engineers tried to get the train going for an hour. When they finally gave up and advised the passengers to disembark, people let fly some of the most cutting verbal assaults I’ve heard thrown at government employees.
At offices of the LTO, every time they run out of license cards or during all these years they could not supply car stickers etc., the employees at the windows mentally prepare themselves for cutting remarks, being shouted at, or insulted to their faces by people who think the money they paid for licenses or registration includes the right to humiliate a fellow human being who is so far down the chain of command and has nothing to do with the systemic failure in ordering and purchasing license cards and stickers.
We have a right to complain based on a valid reason but it must be in a civilized manner. We have a right to argue our point or our view based on logic, conviction, and presentation. But not to beat down, humiliate or intimidate people. Yes we have a right to be angry when wrong is done but anger as a weapon, as an offense, can never be justified. Neither is wealth or what we have spent or what something cost us does not entitle us or justify verbally assaulting or physically threatening people. Just because you have a title or the ability to speak “good English” or a certified inglesera does not entitle you to be a stuck up elitist snob with a right to “DIS” as in Disrespect other human beings.
The Americans coined the phrase “Might makes right” and then our diplomats and politicians came up with “Right is might.” But one phrase I’ve always shared with people who get all heft up about truth and being right goes like this: “It is better to be kind than to be right.”
No, I am no saint. Far from that I have had my “explosive moments” at home and even in public. Living in a society that is the equivalent of a pressure cooker in so many ways can grind away your patience and self-control. On our own, we would self-destruct which is why I make myself accountable to others, I stay plugged in church and reading the Bible. I make a serious effort to know people by name and look and treat them as persons not “employees,” or some generic term like Tanod, messenger or whatever. I try to discuss problems in private to avoid an audience and end up performing to the crowd.
I have learned many times that “sweet water attracts favor like flies.” I remind myself of the humiliation and hurt I experienced and have inflicted on others. Because of the certainty that I will lose it days or weeks from now, I have disciplined myself to be willing to admit fault and to APOLOGIZE when I lose my temper of let slip a bad word or two. Knowing I will have to say sorry and apologize later has somehow led me to simply avoid falling into the pit of regret.
However each of us deals with it, the fact is we all need a change and that is “A change in Character.”
* * * Email: utalk2ctalk@ gmail. com