Donnie Tantoco, the hip dad who dances hip-hop, says, ‘I’m an expressive, touchy-feely father’
Your Lolo Benny seems so cool at 97. What is the coolest thing he has taught you? Not to take myself so seriously. Live life passionately and to the fullest, no matter how magulo sometimes life is.
With Ambassador Bienvenido “Benny” Tantoco as his lolo and businessman Rico Tantoco as his father, Donnie Tantoco learned about what it takes to be a man and to be a father not through words but by being allowed to experience the world firsthand, from having his first taste of root beer float in Waikiki Beach at age 11 as his Lolo Benny’s introduction to the “classroom of the world” to days spent working on the farm and climbing trees along Ayala Avenue in his teens as he helped spruce up the metro for Christmastime.
He and his wife Crickette had their kids starting at 23 and he made it his life’s purpose to both grow the Shopwise and Royal Duty Free side of the family business and to be the best provider he can be, hardworking to a fault. So when Donnie’s hands would shake from restlessness on idyllic weekends, Crickette put sher foot down and pushes him to have a hobby; from being the perfect provider, he can now be more of a dad.
His kids are all grown up anyway: twins Camille and Nicole, 28, are helping with the company respectively as merchandising manager for Royal and associate researcher for Rustan’s clothing department. Nicole is set to marry in two months — at her reception, Donnie will make his singing debut. The youngest Christian just graduated from Boston University and has taken an interest in analog photography.
While he may have to set appointments with his kids these days, Donnie is able to hang out with his children as grownups, from climbing mountains with them, attending retail conventions together, and talking about their interests in the arts, with Donnie always amazed at how philosophical his kids have become. Back at home, he takes hip-hop dance lessons. At 52, the workaholic dad is cool, too.
What hobbies do you share with your kids?
DONNIE TANTOCO: Our whole family is extremely engaged in and passionate about fashion. Fashion is not just a shopping activity for us. It is a big way that we express ourselves creatively. It is also our craft. We want to keep learning more and more about fashion; and we like to immerse ourselves in it. Whatever we do, including vacations, fashion — not only how it relates to clothes and trends; but also how it connects with culture, art, music, inspiring experiences — is big. We also enjoy music, sports and learning and discovering new cultures and places. We love to travel; we believe that as you discover the world you are also discovering yourself. We are huge believers in creativity. We also have a hobby of going to the beach and watching a lot of Netflix.
What lessons on parenting did you learn from your lolo (Benny Tantoco) and your dad (Rico Tantoco)?
“Know thyself and to thine own self be true” is probably the best way to describe how my Lolo Benny and my father raised me. What they care about most is my character and my values; and while they would like to give me advice and lead
by example they want me to form my own values. They do not want to impose who they are and what they believe on me. I think the key for them is for me to have integrity, authenticity, to have a hunger to contribute and to always strive for excellence. Integrity to them means doing the right things for the right reasons. This is important because they say the worst kind of person that I can be is a Machiavellian type who does the right things but for the wrong reasons. To them you cannot just do well; you must do well by doing good. A “do good by doing well” person will be attacked, rejected, marginalized, blocked and resisted. Hence, this person will also have to be a good collaborator, influencer, and at times even a warrior.
Your Lolo Benny seems so cool at 97. What is the coolest thing he has taught or told you?
Not to take myself so seriously. (Laughs) Live life passionately and to the fullest no matter how magulo sometimes life is.
You are active in social media. Do you do this so you can see what your kids are into? Were you a lurker at first, spying on them?
I started sharing more actively when I noticed that a lot of people admire and want to learn from my Lolo Benny. Then it evolved to posting our family trips.
What is the one rule or reminder you love telling your kids?
You are neither superior nor inferior to anyone. Make the most of the gifts you have been given by always striving to be a blessing to others. You do not need to please people; in fact you should not be a people pleaser. Build relationships, help and love others but try not care too much about what they think about you. Never be afraid to ask for help; you are never, ever alone. Do not fall into despair.
Have you ever embarrassed your kids by being too affectionate?
I do that all the time! I come from a touchy-feely family; so I am an expressive and touchy-feely father.
What’s the most touching thing your kids have done for you?
The most loving thing my kids do for me is to simply spend time with me; tell me their stories, their dreams, their struggles, and dilemmas. I love it when they share with me what they are passionate about, or on the other hand concerned about. I like our light conversations and our deeper ones. Aside from their mom, they are the most fascinating people I have ever known. I love our long and leisurely conversations while having breakfast, lunch, dinner or a simple cup of coffee or an ice cream sundae. I also love very much the times we travel together and immerse ourselves in new shared experiences. I love it when my son calls me “Pops,” and my daughters call me “Papito.” They don’t call me that all the time; but when they do I feel like the most blessed person in the world.