Poor Nikki, poor us
Two possible ways of looking at New Hampshire: A: Face it, Nikki Haley is toast. No reason for her to continue running.
B: ... Except that she’s the only thing saving us from a full year of just Trump vs. Biden.
Of course, the general election in November is beyond critical. Joe Biden’s backers are happy to list his presidential achievements at every opportunity. (“Big infrastructure program” tends to work best.) And he’s a man of fine character. But face it, you’d rather not start reliving the 2020 campaign already.
Right now, we turn our attention to the South Carolina Republican primary – at least there’s going to one. “New Hampshire is first in the nation. It is not the last in the nation,” Haley told her supporters after she came in, well, second, in her one-on-one race against Donald Trump.
Obviously, she had to spin positive. “What a great night,” she said – um, claimed – as Trump beat her by about 11 percentage points in a state with one of the most moderate, independent Republican parties in the country. Haley was upbeat, but the members of the Republican elite who had supported her were grabbing onto life preservers and preparing to jump her sinking ship.
Haley’s even been ditched by Tim Scott – the guy she appointed to the Senate when she was governor of South Carolina. Scott did at least provide us with one interesting topic on primary night. He’d posted pictures that allowed the world to see him kneeling on a beach, proposing to his girlfriend, in the presence, apparently, of a supportive photographer. I don’t actually care, but I am happy to continue discussing. Anything but the inevitability of Trump vs. Biden.
That’s where we’re going, for sure. But wouldn’t you rather wait and start focusing on it after the summer, when the Republicans have their convention in July and the Democrats close up the whole shebang with theirs in August?
Even if the Republican primaries drag on, they won’t exactly be thrilling. You’re gonna need to come up with some diversions. How about this – every week from now until the election you’ll read one play by William Shakespeare. The man wrote nearly 40 – that’d still leave you plenty of spare time to dwell on the battling news releases of Don and Joe. OK. You’d at least have read the plays. Amazingly, the race has already gotten more boring. The colorful sidekicks are falling by the wayside. Ron DeSantis, a terrible candidate who was at least good for an occasional chuckle, dropped out just before the New Hampshire vote. His deeply DeSantis farewell included a stirring quote from Winston Churchill that Churchill never said – Stephen Colbert happily pointed out that it appeared to come from a very old Budweiser ad.
And Trump’s gonna keep being His Unbearability. In New Hampshire, he gave a sort of victory speech as soon as the polls closed, in which he described Haley as “a losing candidate who puts America last,” in between rants about how “this country has gone to hell.”
Yeah, he’s gonna win the nomination and the nation will be flooded with stories about the Trump-Biden rematch. Once you’re done with Shakespeare, what else are you gonna do for distraction? Well, you might consider focusing on something besides the White House. There are lots of important races around the country. Like – Texas! Ted Cruz is running for reelection. What could be a better way to spend the summer than supporting the political destruction of Ted Cruz? Even your Republican neighbors are going to have a hard time getting past that vacation he tried to take in Mexico while his constituents were living without electricity.
We’re gonna spend the next nine months getting ready for four more years. Kinda makes you think about: A. Taking up yoga B. Learning to play the flute C. Making a list of 40 home improvements and checking off one every week. With some time off for vacation. Then next January, when you watch Joe Biden and Kamala Harris being sworn in, you’re going to be able to dwell on the really excellent state of the linen closet.
If it’s Trump being sworn in again ... oh God, nononono, we’re not gonna go there.